- 怎么了 - 我忘了拿吉他 - Hey. What's up? - I left my guitar here again.
好吧 没问题 Oh, okay. No problem.
- 拿去吧 - 好的 - Okay. Here you go. - Okay.
好的 Okay, um...
- 什么 - 你要聊聊吗 - What? - You want to hang out or something?
你来的不是时候 Phoebe, you caught me at a bad time.
- 你跟钱德… - 没错 - Oh, are you and Chandler...? - Yes. Exactly.
- 要我帮你们伴奏吗 - 不必 - Okay. Want me to play for you? - No.
菲比 你好吗 Hey, Pheebs, what's up?
你问了一个很有趣的问题 钱德宾 You ask an intriguing question, Chandler Bing.
天啊 你请人帮你按摩 你从来不让我帮你按摩 Oh, my God! You're getting a massage? You never let me massage you.
- 菲比 我可以解释 - 你说过你讨厌按摩 - Phoebe, I can explain. - You told me you hate massages.
去买邮票 拿干洗的衣服 别让菲比进来 Buy stamps. Pick up dry cleaning. Don't let Phoebe in.
你背着我这么做多久了 I can't believe this. How long has this been going on?
- 亚丽珊卓… - 它还有名字 - Well, uh, Alexandra has... - Oh, it has a name?
菲比 别生气 Phoebe, don't get upset.
好吧 太迟了 我要走了 来吧 钱德 我们走 Okay. Oh, too late! I'm leaving. Come on, Chandler, let's go.
我以为我… Well, I thought I'd...
对 管它的 Yeah, what the hell.
# 没有人告诉你活着有多累 # # So no one told you life was gonna be this way #
# 上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 # # Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. #
# 寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 # # It's like you're always stuck in second gear #
# 日复一日 年复一年 # # When it hasn't been your day, #
# 时运不济 活着受罪 # # your week, your month, or even your year #
# 你我永不离弃 # # but I'll be there for you #
# 你我相偎相依 # # 'Cause you're there for me too #
再推一次 Okay, come on. One more push.
加油 快好了 Come on, we're almost there.
我很高兴我们能在一起 我们要生孩子了 Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us and we're having this baby together.
- 我爱你 - 我也爱你 - I love you so much. - Oh, I love you too.
我希望现在说这个不会不是时候… Mm. I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this...
你是我最棒的性伴侣 ...but you're the best sex I've ever had.
你随时都能那么说 That's always appropriate.
来吧 再推一次 再推一次 Okay, come on, one more push. One more push.
好了 There we go.
你们的漂亮宝宝 恭喜 Here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations.
希望你做爸爸比做朋友称职 I hope you're a better father than you are a friend!
- 乔伊 - 什么 - Joey! - What, what?
- 发生了什么事 - 快来摸摸我的肚子 - What's going on? Uh... - Feel this. Come feel my belly.
这是宝宝第一次踢我 快摸一下 The baby's kicking for the first time. Please come feel.
- 真的吗 - 对 - Really? Uh... - Yes.
你知道吗 或许你… You know what? Maybe, uh, you...
或许你该走过来 Maybe you should come to me.
- 我没有穿裤子 - 好吧 - I'm not wearing any bottoms. - Oh, okay.
天啊 Oh, my God.
太不可思议了 It's unbelievable!
她踢得好厉害 她像是… Wow, she is kicking so much. She's like, um...
那个讨厌的女足球员是谁 Who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
- 米亚·汉姆 - 米亚·汉姆 - Mia Hamm? - Mia Hamm!
- 太神奇了 - 抓住你的床单 乔伊 - Oh! It's amazing. - Whoa. One hand on the sheet, Joe.
抱歉 Whoa, eh. Sorry.
- 嘿 宝贝 - 嘿 亲爱的 - Hey, babe. - Hey, honey.
巴伯跟菲伊宾送我们结婚礼物 他们不喜欢我们 对吧 We got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing. They don't like us, do they?
谁说买不到六块以下的高级鸡尾酒碗 Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under $6?
- 或许我们能把它退回去 - 没说它来自哪里 - Maybe we can take it back. - Doesn't say where it's from.
- 我们要把它退到哪里去 - 何不从阳台把它丢到街上 - Where would we return it? - How about to the street, from the balcony?
我们为什么不找个地方放它 Why don't we just find a place for it?
放在那个柜子里 How about in that cabinet?
那是放罐头食物的 That's where we keep canned goods.
你忘了每样东西都要放在定位吗 Have you forgotten everything you learned in orientation?
浴室旁边的柜子呢 How about the closet by the bathroom?
让我来吧 Oh. Okay. Why don't you let me do it.
不 我来就行了 No, no, no. I will do it.
你得放轻松 偶尔把事情交给我来做 You have to relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while.
上锁了 你得帮帮我 It's locked. You have to help me.
为什么上锁了 Why is it locked?
没有为什么 我把和人物品放在那里 No reason. I keep private things in there.
我搬到这里来一阵子了 You know, I've been living here a while...
从来没看过里面的东西 ...and I've never seen what's in that closet.
里面放了什么 What is in there?
女人的东西 Feminine stuff.
别想用女人的东西来唬我 Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
那里面没有你喜欢的东西 如果你爱我 忘了这件事 Nothing in there concerns you. If you love me, you'll just let it go.
- 好吧 - 谢谢 - Fine. - Thank you.
我爱你 Love you.
钱德 今天天气真好 是你 Hello, Chandler. Lovely day, huh? You.
如果有帮助的话 亚丽珊卓已经帮她按摩了三年 If it helps, Alexandra's only been massaging Monica for, like, three years.
我说如果有帮助的话 If! I said, if it helps.
你为什么不让我帮你按摩 Why won't you let me massage you?
我会无法放松 Uh, well, it's... I'd be self-conscious.
你是我的朋友 我得脱光衣服 You're my friend. I'd be naked.
我们住在一起那么多年 我看过你没穿衣服 We lived together for years. I've seen you naked.
那不一样 我们是室友 那是什么时候的事 That's different. We were roommates. And when?
我对人体很好奇 I'm curious about the human body.
你可以了解为什么我会觉得很奇怪 You can understand why this would be weird for me.
我是专家 我真的很厉害 I'm a professional and I'm really good.
如果你觉得不舒服 我们就停止 给我一个机会 拜托 If you're uncomfortable, we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay? Please?
如果你真的觉得很重要 Okay, if it means that much to you.
没错 如果你无法分享你的厨艺 你会有什么感觉 It does. How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking?
如果罗斯没办法教我们龙的事 他会有什么感觉 Or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons.
- 是恐龙 - 都一样 - Dinosaurs. - Potato, "potato."
罗斯 宝宝在踢 - Hey. - Ross, the baby's kicking.
什么 是吗 What? It is?
她现在没有在踢我 It's not kicking right now.
虽然我们很想 看到你再做一次 Although we would love to see you do that again.
什么时候 发生了什么事 When was it kicking? What happened?
昨晚我跑到乔伊的房间 他在睡觉 Last night. I felt it. I went into Joey's room, and he was sleeping.
我没有做梦 A dreamless sleep.
天啊 宝宝会踢了 真的是太棒了 My God, the baby's kicking. That's great.
我希望我可以摸到宝宝第一次踢你的样子 I wish I would have been there to feel the kicking for the first time.
如果你真的想摸 我的肚子正在咕咕叫 I got some stuff going on in here if you want to feel.
我不想再错过宝宝的事了 这是我新的呼叫器号码 I don't want to miss any more baby stuff. Here's my pager number.
只要发生跟怀孕有关的事 立刻通知我 Anytime anything pregnancy-related happens, use it. I'll be there.
我不在乎那是凌晨三点 而你想吃冰淇淋 I don't care if it's 3 in the morning and you want ice cream.
我能抄一份吗 Wow. Can I get a copy of that?
- 你裹着床单吗 - 对 - Are you under the sheet? - Yes.
好了 我们开始吧 Great, let's begin.
力道还可以吧 How's the pressure?
很不错 菲比 你真的很厉害 It's nice. Wow, Phoebe, you are good.
很明显 谢谢你的夸奖 Stating the obvious, but thank you.
- 那一点都不奇怪 对吧 - 没错 - And it's not weird, is it? - No.
没错 好好享受吧 That's right, you just enjoy.
对 Oh, yeah!
- 对 - 好吧 - Oh, yeah! - Okay.
天啊 菲比 Oh, God, Phoebe!
就是那样 就是那里 Oh, that's it! That's it, right there! Oh!
我发誓 我没有试着打开你的柜子 I wasn't trying to open your closet. I wasn't trying, I swear.
摩妮卡管你很严 对吧 你在做什么 Wow. Monica runs a pretty tight ship here, doesn't she? What are you doing?
摩妮卡有秘密衣柜 她不肯让我看它 Monica has a secret closet. She won't let me see what's in it.
- 为什么 - 我不知道 - Why not? - I don't know!
她在隐瞒什么 What could she possibly be hiding in here what I can't see?
我不知道 I don't know. Ooh.
我敢说是理查 I'll bet it's Richard.
她为什么要把理查关在那里 Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
我不知道… Well, off the top of my head, uh...
或者她想鱼与熊掌兼得 ...maybe she's having her cake and eating it too.
你是"熊掌" 理查只是"鱼" You being the "cake," Richard being the "too."
- 或是… - 又来了 - Or... - And here we go.
我看过一部电影里有一扇门 I saw this movie once where there was a door.
没有人知道里面藏了什么 Nobody knew what was behind it.
最后他们把门打开后 好几百万只虫跑了出来… And when they finally got it open, millions and millions of bugs came pouring out...
他们会吃人肉 ...and they feasted on human flesh!
尊重你老婆的隐私 不会要你的命 You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy!
塞满虫的笨衣柜 Stupid closet full of bugs!
乔伊 我觉得怪怪的 那不是好事 我不… Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't... Whoa!
别担心 我妹妹怀孕时… Whoa! Don't worry. When my sisters were pregnant...
她们都觉得怪怪的 结果根本没事 ...they got every weird feeling and it was always nothing.
- 真的吗 - 当然 - Really? - Absolutely.
但我们得到医院检查一下 我会呼叫罗斯 But we'll stop by the hospital just to be sure. I'll page Ross.
好吧 天啊 Okay, oh, God... Ow.
瑞秋 看着我 一切都会没事的 Oh, okay, Rach, look at me. Everything's gonna be fine.
- 好吧 - 相信我 握着我的手 我们走吧 - Okay. - Trust me. Take my hand. Here we go.
我快骨折了 Ow! Crushing bones!
还好我们要去医院 Good thing we're going to a hospital.
（急救中心）
- 结果呢 - 她没事 - Hey. So? - She's fine.
她出现不规则的子宫收缩 She was experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions.
那是子宫壁出现中度不适的现象 Mild discomfort in the uterine wall.
中度不适 我想你也出现过那种现象 Mild discomfort? I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?
- 一切都很正常 - 对 - Everything is normal? - Yes.
- 没有危险 - 对 - There's no danger to her or the baby? - No.
收缩虽然会不舒服 但她没事 Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know, but she's fine.
谢谢你 医生 谢谢你这么温和冷静 Thank you, doctor. And thank you for being nice and calm.
我一点都不冷静 我从来没有这么害怕过 Calm? I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in my life.
- 你说一切都会没事的 - 我知道什么 我不是医生 - You said everything was okay. - What do I know? I'm not a doctor.
- 但一切都没事 我没事 - 你确定 - But everything is okay. I'm fine. - You sure?
对 我真希望那个医生的子宫也会收缩 Yes. I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus.
中度不适 他到底在胡说什么 Mild discomfort! What's he talking about?
- 没事吧 - 没事 - Is everything okay? - Everything's fine.
你呼叫我说"赶到医院来" 发生了什么事 Your page said, "Come to the hospital." What happened?
她出现不规则的子宫收缩 Something called Braxton Hicks contraction.
那没什么大不了的 很多女人都不会有感觉 That's no big deal. Most women don't feel them.
没有子宫的人不能置评 Okay, no uterus, no opinion.
糖果是怎么一回事 Hey, uh, what's with the candy?
你呼叫我时我在电影院买零食 When you beeped me I was at the concession stand at the movies.
- 你自己去看电影 - 蒙娜 - You went to the movies by yourself? - No... Mona!
- 我得回检查室去 - 发生了什么事 - Oh, I gotta go back in there. - Why? What's wrong?
- 我得… - 不 告诉我 怎么了 - Everything's fine, I just gotta... - No, really, tell me. What's up?
听着 我忘了穿内裤 Look, I forgot my underwear.
谢谢你送她来医院 So thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
别担心 那没有什么大不了的 Oh, hey, don't worry about it. No big deal.
但应该是由我送她来 我是孩子的爸 But still, it should have been me. I'm the dad.
如果你有问题 If you have questions...
- 这是不规则收缩的资料 - 谢谢 ...here's information on Braxton Hicks. - Thanks.
你送她过来是对的 And by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in.
你会是个好爸爸 You're gonna make a wonderful father.
我没有这家伙厉害 他买了糖果 Hey, not as good as this guy. He brought Twizzlers.
- 一定会有办法 - 别紧张 寇克船长 - There has got to be a way. - Easy there, Captain Kirk.
- 你有小别针吗 - 有 - Oh, do you have a bobby pin? - Yeah.
不 等一下 我不是九岁的小女孩 Oh, no, wait. I'm not a 9-year-old girl.
为什么你投球的时候很像 Then why do you throw like one?
- 或许摩妮卡有小别针 - 对 "摩妮卡" - Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. - Oh, sure, "Monica."
你暗恋瑞秋的事 怎么了 So how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
真的很不错 我应该随时准备好自杀 Really good. I should be ready to kill myself any day now.
你这么快就发现了 Well, you sure found that quick.
我希望我从没有爱过瑞秋 I just wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel.
我希望一切能恢复正常 I wish things could go back to normal.
我喜欢跟她一起住 帮助她生产真的很有趣 I mean, I love living with her, and helping out with the baby is amazing.
但我觉得罗斯觉得自己被排除在外 But now I think Ross feels left out.
我送瑞秋去医院时 You know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital...
医生以为我是孩子的爸 ...the doctor thought I was the father. God, you...
你应该看看罗斯的表情 You should have seen the look on Ross' face.
我不知道我在做什么 By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here.
我只知道我越开锁得越紧 For all I know, I'm locking it more.
你想拿信用卡打开它吗 Hey, you try opening it with a credit card?
- 好点子 - 对 - That's a good idea. Okay. - Yeah.
罗斯很难过 So, uh, Ross is kind of bummed, huh?
- 我觉得很难过 - 那不是你的错 - I ju... I feel terrible. - It's not your fault.
你要怎么做 不送她去医院 What are you gonna do, not take her to the hospital?
你没有做错事 You're doing nothing wrong.
但你不该爱上怀了他孩子的女人 Except for harboring an all-consuming love for the woman carrying his baby.
理查 如果你在里面 麻烦你把信用卡还我 Richard, if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
我得告诉你昨天真的很棒 按摩感觉很舒服 I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good.
不 我了解 No, no, I got that.
我们能每星期按摩一次吗 So, um, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
好吧 Okay.
但你应该知道我的时薪调成两百块了 You should know though, I've, um, raised my rates to $200 an hour.
- 好吧 - 我是说五百块 - Okay. - I mean 500.
- 什么 - 六百块 - What? - 600.
怎么回事 What's going on?
我按摩你时 你会发出性爱叫声 Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged.
那把我吓坏了 And it really freaked me out.
之后我想弄痛你 你叫得更大声 After a while, I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.
你疯了 我的叫声一点都不淫荡 What? You're crazy. There's nothing sexual about the noises I make.
这一点都不淫荡 Really? There's nothing sexual about this?
天啊 Oh, God! Oh, oh, oh!
你在看什么 What are you looking at?
我是说 嗨 I mean, hi.
这真的是太丢脸了 我永远都不会再按摩了 This is so embarrassing. I'm never gonna get massaged again.
别让这件事害你放弃按摩 No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages.
我有很多客人也会发出那种叫声 Look, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do.
- 真的吗 - 他们不是客人 他们是情人 - Really? - Well, not clients. Lovers.
我们再试一次 再来找我 我们会想出办法的 Let's just... We'll try it again. Come back, and we'll work through it.
- 你确定 - 对 - You sure? - Yes.
- 我猜是吧 - 太棒了 对不起 - I guess. - Great! Now, if you'll just excuse me.
你听到你喜欢的声音了吗 So did you hear something you liked?
罗斯 你看 我学到新把戏了 Hey, Ross, check it out! I learned a new trick. Huh?
我帮你买了午餐 Hey, uh, I brought you some lunch.
你真的太贴心了 真好吃 - That's so sweet of you. Oh, yum.
- 你放了腌黄瓜吗 - 对 - Did you put pickles on this? - Well, yeah.
什么 瑞秋 怎么了 What? What? Rach, what?
- 发生了什么事 - 我帮她带了腌黄瓜鲔鱼三明治 - What's going on? - I made her favorite, tuna with pickle.
腌黄瓜 那会让她想吐 Pickle? Pickle makes her sick.
让她吃腌黄瓜就像让我吃沙拉 Giving her pickle is like giving me salad.
抱歉 我不知道 你还好吗 I'm sorry, I didn't know. You gonna be okay?
我没事 I'll be fine.
但我不在的时候 麻烦谁解决掉它 But someone make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out.
我在吃了 I'm on it!
我不该让她吐的 I can't believe this. I shouldn't be the one making her throw up.
- 谁都可以做出这种事 - 你就不会 你了解她 - Dude, relax. It could happen to anyone. - Not to you. You know this stuff.
我什么都不懂 而我是孩子的爸 I don't know any of it and I'm the father.
我希望我能多参与一点 I just... I wish I could be more involved, you know?
如果有人在帮我记录的话 我绝不会再吃鲔鱼了 Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
我能跟你们谈一谈吗 Hey, uh, can I talk to you guys for a second?
- 可以啊 - 怎么了 - Yeah. - What's up?
坐吧 我想谈谈我们的情况 Well... Sit down. I wanna talk about our situation.
你要跟我们分手吗 Are you breaking up with us?
我要说的是… The thing is...
因为我跟瑞秋一起住 我参与了很多事 ...because I live with Rachel, I'm here for a lot of the stuff.
好吧 罗斯… Okay, and Ross...
罗斯错过了一切 所以… Ross is missing everything. So...
怎么了 Yeah?
你们两个应该住在一起 Maybe you two should live together.
你要我搬出来 你不要我住在这里 Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here?
不 我喜欢跟你一起住 只不过… No, I love living with you. It just seems that...
如果你需要室友 他最好是孩子的爸 ...if you're gonna have a roommate, it may as well be the father.
乔伊 我想罗斯不希望 But, Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move in to his apartment...
我搬过去干扰他的生活 ...and disrupt his life like that. I mean...
或许他想那么做 Or he does.
我很乐意照顾你跟宝宝 I would love to be around for you and the baby.
我们可试试看 先试一阵子 We can just try it, like on a temporary basis.
- 但那是你跟我 - 我们不会有成情牵扯 - But it's you and me. - It wouldn't be anything romantic.
我在和蒙娜交柱 该死 蒙娜 And I'm dating Mona. Damn it, Mona!
我跟她约好一小时前要见面 我是怎么了 I was supposed to meet her an hour ago. What is wrong with me?
你们觉得呢 So, what do you think?
- 我不知道 那很疯狂吗 - 不 - I don't know. Is it crazy? - No. No, it's not...
乔伊 这是个聪明点子 Joey, this is a smart idea.
我该想到的 Well, I was due.
- 就这么办吧 - 真的吗 - Okay, let's do it. I'll move in. - Really?
瑞秋 那真的是太棒了 Oh, Rach, that's great. That's great.
还不错 我用我太太的工具… Not too shabby. I got this all off myself...
把自己弄成这个样子 ...using my wife's tools.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
你怎么把它打开的 How did you get in there?
你很不整洁 You're messy.
- 不 你不该看到这个的 - 我娶了收集狂 - No! You weren't supposed to see this! - I married Fred Sanford.
钱德 你不了解 No, Chandler, you don't understand.
好吧 现在你知道了 我很病态 Okay, okay, fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm sick.
不 老婆 你不病态 我爱你不是因为你做事有条不紊 No, honey, you're not sick. I don't love you because you're organized.
不论如何 我都爱你 I love you in spite of that.
真的吗 Really?
- 你发誓不会告诉任何人 - 对 - Promise you won't tell anyone? - Yes.
我知道了 如果我有多余的东西 可以一起用那个柜子吗 Now that I know, if I've got extra stuff lying around, can we share the closet?
喔…那只是… Oh. Well, it's just, um...
我怕你会把它弄乱 I'm afraid you might mess it up.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
瑞秋搬出去了 你还好吧 So Rachel's all moved out, huh? How you taking it?
我要喝几瓶啤酒… Well, uh, I wanted to have a few beers...
但我把啤酒都丢了 因为瑞秋受不了那个味道 ...but, uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them.
我买了很多加钙的柳橙汁 I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though.
它已经过期了几星期 所以会有点酸味 And, uh, it's a couple weeks past its expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.
- 你没事吧 - 你在开玩笑吗 我棒透了 - Are you okay? - You kidding me? Yeah, I'm great.
我好到不能再好 我很好 I'm, uh... I'm better than great. I am good.
现在她离开了 Now that she's gone, I can, uh...
我可以做以前不能做的事 I can do all the stuff around here that I couldn't do before. You know?
譬如… Like, um...
我又能脱光衣服乱跑了 I can walk around naked again.
我可以… You know? I can, uh...
我可以在客厅看色情片 I can watch porn in the living room. Right?
这对我来说是件好事 This is, uh... This is good for me.
我喜欢一个人过生活 我喜欢这个样子 I like being on my own. I'm better off this way.
我是一匹孤独的野狼 I'm a... I'm a lone wolf.
我是个完全孤单的硬汉 A loner. Alone.
永远都是一个人 All alone. Forever.
狼要怎么做才能得到一个拥抱呢 What's a wolf gotta do to get a hug around here?
好了 放轻松 That's it, just relax.
- 加油 再来 - 天啊 - Come on, more. - Oh, God!
你喜欢那样 对吧 You like that, don't you?
- 对 就是那样 - 你要吗 我就给你 宝贝 - Yeah, right there. - Want it there? Take it there, baby.
- 菲比 - 对 叫我的名字 快点 - Phoebe? - Yeah, say my name. Say it.
现在我要帮你盖上被子 And now I'm going to cover you back up.
我会有好几个星期不会再跟你说话 And, um, I won't be speaking with you for several weeks.