天哪 Oh, man.
- 谁啊？ - 崔格在通排水管 - What is that? - Treeger's snaking the shower drain.
这是什么东西？ What in the name of hell?
可能是你的夹脚拖鞋 Maybe he found your flip-flop.
这是A片吗？ Is this porn?
我一定是按到什么了 What did I do? I must have hit something on the remote.
我们有付钱吗？ Do we pay for this?
我们连第四台都没给钱 No, we didn't even pay our cable bill.
也许这是处罚方式 Maybe this is how they punish us.
也许我们应该欠电话费 免费色情电话 Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill. Free phone sex.
也许我们应该欠瓦斯费 Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill.
那位小姐没穿衣服喔 Whoa, hey, that lady's all kinds of naked.
乔伊不知道按了什么 它就冒出来了 Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just came on.
我有一次也按到过 It happened to me once. I was flipping through the channels and, bam.
- 跟捡到钱一样爽 - 印有春宫图的钱 - It was like finding money. - Finding money with naked people on it.
但后来我把电视关掉 Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV.
就再也找不到了 I never got it back again.
我好伤心 And I'm sad.
他干嘛关电视？ Why would he turn off the TV?
吃饭一定要看这个吗？ All right, you know what? Do we really have to watch this while we eat?
不要… 不要… No, no, no.
我们不知道它怎样会消失 We don't know what could make this go away.
所以不准碰遥控器 也不准碰电视 Yeah, so no one touches the remote, and no one touches the TV.
连电视周围的空气都不能扰动 And no one touches the air around the TV.
就像有一个A片保护罩 Imagine a protective porn bubble, if you will.
- 起码也要静音 - 不要… - I'm at least going to mute it. - No, no, no.
- A片还在 - 还好 - We still have porn. - Yeah.
你干什么？ Honey, what are you doing?
那个很重耶 给我 That's too heavy. Give it here.
天哪 Oh, God.
好了 Okay.
我实在不能再扛着按摩桌跑了 I'm getting too pregnant for this... Lugging around a stupid massage table.
我得找个桌子小点的工作 I have to find a job where I carry a smaller table.
或是不需要桌子的工作 Or a job where you don't have to carry a table.
像医生吗？ You mean, like a doctor?
菲比 你挡到A片了啦 Pheebs, you're blocking the porn. Look out.
噢 Oh!
天啊 Oh, my.
这让我想到今天要做产检 Oh, that reminds me. I have to see my ob-gyn today.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
艾蜜莉去机场了 So, uh, Emily just went to the airport.
你怎么不送她去？ Aw. Why didn't you take her?
她舅舅本来就打算送她 Ehh, her uncle had planned on doing it.
我们今天早上道别了 And you know, we said our goodbyes this morning, so...
你一定很难受 隔壁有免费的A片 You must feel horrible. Hey, the guys have free porn.
不 No.
高兴一点 你们会再见面吧？ Hey, cheer up. You're gonna see her again, right?
我就是不知道 Well, that's the thing. I don't know.
我每次提起她就说 I mean, whenever I brought it up with her, she said:
"这样就很棒了 何必谈到未来？ "This is so fantastic. Why do we have to talk about the future?
- 我们就… - 别学英国腔 我很受不了 - Let's enjoy... - Don't do the accent.
你非再见她不可 You've got to see her again.
你干嘛在意？ Why do you care?
因为 Because.
你可以实现我的幻想 You could get to live out my fantasy.
你对艾蜜莉有幻想？ You've had fantasies about Emily?
不是 就是那个幻想嘛 No. You know, the fantasy.
认识异乡人 Meet someone from a strange land...
疯狂坠入爱河 共度一生 ...fall madly in love and spend the rest of your lives together.
所以你国中时 Is that why, in junior high...
老跟那个乌克兰男生混？ ...you were the only one who hung out with that Ukrainian kid?
对 另外他妈妈煮菜都会加酸奶油 Yeah, that, but plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything.
你爱她吗？ Do you love her?
我们说好只在一起2星期 We said it was only gonna be two weeks, you know?
你爱她 You love her.
什么是爱？ What is love, really?
我就知道你爱她 I knew you loved her.
你得去机场告诉她 You need to go to the airport and tell her.
你应该会在登机门追上她 You're probably gonna catch her just as she's about to go to the gate.
你会叫她的名字大喊 "我爱你" You're gonna call out her name and yell, "I love you."
她会说"我也爱你" She's gonna say, "I love you too."
然后你们会有最深情的一吻 Then you guys are gonna have the most amazing kiss.
登机门前掌声如雷 Everyone at the gate will applaud.
我是很会接吻 I am a good kisser.
然后你们可以溜进驾．驶舱 Then you two can sneak into the cockpit.
气气开始变得火热 Things will start to heat up.
然后一个空姐进来… And then a stewardess comes in...
我看太多A片了 I've been watching too much porn.
- 那是心跳吗？ - 没错 - Is that the heartbeat? - That's it.
天哪 Oh, my God.
太酷了 Oh, wow. This is so cool.
我们谈过多胞胎的可能吗？ Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
先搞定这一胎 Why don't we just take care of this one?
要是再怀孕 我有你的名片 And should I get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay?
不是 我听到三个心跳音 No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats.
三个？你们还担心我怀不成 Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one.
医生经常犯错 Doctors are wrong all the time.
你确定有三个？ Well, so are you sure that there are three?
- 绝对的 - 噢 我的天啊 - Definitely. - Oh, my God.
- 天哪… 天哪 - 哈哈 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Ha, ha.
再过几个月 So in a few months...
我体内会有三个宝宝逛大街？ ...I'm gonna have three full-grown babies just walking around inside me?
他们出生时… Oh, oh. And it's gonna be like one of those log rides...
会跟连发炮一样 ...when they just come shooting out.
其实生三个跟生一个一样 Giving birth to three babies is not that different than giving birth to one.
你懂什么？ What do you know?
菲比 Phoebe.
产检结果怎样？ So how'd it go at the doctor's?
是这样… Oh, well, okay. Hey.
当你走在街上… You know how, when you're, um, walking down the street...
看到三个人走成一列 ...and you see three people in a row.
你不是会说"真好"？ And you say "Oh, that's nice."
- 没错 - 好 - Yes. - Okay.
好消息 你们有三个宝宝 Yeah, well, good news. You're gonna have three babies. Aah!
三个宝宝？ Three babies?
我总算可以组团了 I've finally got my band.
我们会是个大家庭 我一直想要大家庭 We're gonna have a big family! I always wanted a big family!
你们高兴就好 我还怕你们会捉狂 Oh, God. I'm so glad you guys are happy. I was so afraid you we're gonna be freaked.
- 噢 - 为什么要捉狂？ - Oh. - Why would we be freaked?
因为三个养起来更累也更花钱 No, because maybe it's harder to raise them and the added expense. Ugh!
- 噢 - 也对 - Oh. - Right.
继续高兴 继续高兴 No, back to happy. Back to happy!
不 没问题的 No, no, no. It's gonna be fine...
因为… ...because, um...
我教家政 Because I teach Home Ec.
我可以叫三十个学生 一整年都做婴儿服 And I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long.
就像我专属的廉价童工厂 You know, it'll be like my very own little sweatshop.
我一直在想… You know, I've been thinking...
从你说是三胞胎以来 ...ever since you said that we're gonna have triplets.
我最好休学去找一份工作 The best thing for me to do is drop out of college and get a job.
- 法兰克 - 不 你不能放弃学业 - Frank. - No, you can't quit college. No.
你在念书？ You're in college? Really?
- 冷冻库专校 - 耶 - Yeah, refrigerator college. - Yeah.
当我们如果有了孩子 Yeah, you know, when we found out we were gonna have a baby...
我想说我应该有份事业 ...I figured, you know, I should have, like, a career, you know?
而且我很喜欢冷冻库 And I love refrigerators.
你不能放弃你的梦想 You can't give up on your dream. Ugh.
没关系 我们将有三个孩子 No, it's okay. We're gonna have three kids.
那是个不一样的梦 And that's a different kind of dream.
三个孩子 一贫如洗 Three kids and no money.
搭乘009班机的旅客请登机 This is the boarding call for Flight 009.
艾蜜莉 Emily.
天哪 你怎么来了？ Oh, my God. What are you doing here?
我得在你走之前再见你一面 I just... I had to see you one more time before you took off.
你真好 You are so sweet.
好大的三角巧克力 That's a big candy bar.
我跟你在起过得好温馨 I had the most amazing time with you.
我也是 Me too.
009班机起飞前最后广播 This is the final boarding call for Flight 009.
那是我的班机 Well, that's me.
给你 Here, have this.
只能有一件登机行李 I'm only allowed one piece of carry-on anyway.
等一下 Wait, uh...
我有事要告诉你 Listen, I have to tell you something.
我一直在想… I've been thinking.
我就直说了 I'm just going to come out and say it, okay? Uh...
我觉得… I think...
我爱你 ...I love you.
噢 Oh.
谢谢 Thank you.
不客气 It's no problem.
这到底是什么歌？ What is that song that has been in my head all day?
《蜜桃捕手》的主题曲 It's the theme from Good Will Humping.
你们知道有谁不喜欢A片？ You know who doesn't even like dirty movies?
- 我的新男朋友约书亚 - 是啊 - My new boyfriend Joshua. - Yeah, right.
他说他喜欢保留一点想像空问 No, he told me he prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.
他有没有说那些对白很低俗 Oh, oh, yeah. Did he also say that he thought some of the dialogue was corny?
他觉得是可笑 不是性感？ And that he actually found it funny, not sexy?
没错 Yes.
他喜欢A片 Yeah, he likes porn.
你去哪里？ Where you going?
去看他是不是真的觉得 超级名模都太瘦 I'm gonna find out if he really thinks supermodels are too skinny.
他们反应如何？ How'd it go with Frank and Alice?
法兰克得休学 Frank has to quit college...
因为很能生的姐姐一次怀三胎 ...because his super-fertile sister is having three babies. Ugh.
我得赚快钱 I need to make a lot of money really fast.
我想跟你谈一个想法 And I had an idea that I wanted to talk to you about...
因为你在大公司上班 ...because you work for a big company. Okay.
内线交易 Insider trading.
你有什么内慕可以给我？ What information is there that you can give me?
大头不会跟我们讲这些 Well, actually, they don't really talk to us about that stuff.
但我可以帮你立可白 I can get you some free White-Out, though.
你有照我说的告诉她吗？ Huh! Did you do what I said? Did you tell her?
- 有 - 她怎么说？ - I did. - And what did she say?
"谢谢" "Thank you."
不客气 她说什么？ You're totally welcome. What'd she say?
她说"谢谢" She said, "Thank you."
我说"我爱你" I said, "I love you."
她说"谢谢" And she said, "Thank you."
不对啊 你说你爱她？ Oh, wait. Did you say you love her?
你想骗她做什么？ Yeah, what were you trying to get her to do?
现在怎么办？ What do I do now?
你假装很难钓 You play hard-to-get.
她已经住在伦敦了 She already lives in London.
你搬去东京 So you go to Tokyo.
别想了 All right, look, forget it.
你说你爱她 没戏唱了 Okay, forget it. You told her you love her. It's over.
谁说的 你才没戏唱 It is not over. You're over.
什么？ What?
你懂我的意思 You know.
好… Okay.
说得好 Good one.
事情还没完 她会打来说她爱你 It's not over because she's gonna call you and tell you she loves you.
她的感觉强烈到今她害怕 The reason why she couldn't is because her feelings were so strong that it scared her.
快回去等电话 Now, you go home and you wait for her call.
她可能会从飞机上打 快去 好 She could be calling you from the plane. Come on, go.
要是她没打来 那就是结束了 Okay, okay. But if she doesn't call, it is definitely over.
除非最后我打给她探探口风 No, wait, wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, you know, to see what's going on...
她说她会再打给我 结果没打 ...and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't.
那就真的结束了 Then it's over.
真够力 Way to be strong, man.
我们可以在这里看卡通吗？ Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television?
我们需要休息一下 We need a porn break.
我们看了2小时的 《杀进杀出又杀进》 We spent the last two hours watching In and Out and In Again.
为什么不关掉算了？ Well, so why don't you just turn it off?
那我们会变成关掉A片的白痴 Because then we'd be the guys who turned off free porn.
太好了 你们都在 Oh, good, you're here.
你手上拿什么？ What you got there?
这个？问得好 Oh, this? Well, I'm glad you asked.
用普通刀子切锡罐 Now, don't you hate it when you have to cut a tin can...
不是很难切吗？ ...with an ordinary steak knife?
我知道你们在想什么 Now, I know what you're thinking.
"孕妇发狂砍杀四人"？ Pregnant woman slays four?
你没买下这些刀子吧？ They didn't make you pay for those knives, did they?
- 没有 - 你确定？ - No. - Are you sure?
没有 No.
卖刀赚不了多少钱的 You're not gonna make enough money to help Frank and Alice by selling knives.
我知道 No, no. I know that.
我只需要后续计划的本钱 But I just need to make enough money for the second part of my plan.
- 后续计划是什么？ - 经销废弃物处理设备 - What's the second part of your plan? - My Saturn dealership.
嗨？ Hello?
罗斯 Ross?
艾蜜莉 Emily. Hi.
旅途还顺利吗？ Uh, how was your flight?
很惨 It was dreadful.
真抱歉你对我告白 我的反应却那么差劲 Uh, I felt terrible about how I acted when you said those wonderful things.
没关系 No, no, that's all right. Um...
我很高兴你打来 I'm just glad you called.
罗斯 我有事要告诉你 Ross, um, there's something that I've got to tell you.
我有男朋友了 There's someone else.
这句话在英国的意思 跟在美国一样吗？ Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?
她不知道她想要谁 She doesn't know which one of us she wants.
我还是那个柯林 Me or this "Colin" guy.
原本明明很完美 现在都乱了 怎么会有第三者 This isn't how it was supposed to go. I mean, there can't be another guy.
当然有第三者 Of course there's another guy.
这样更完美 Heh. This is even more perfect.
现在你得证明你的爱 Now you have to prove your love.
我什么也不证明 我不会再听你的了 I'm not proving anything, okay? I'm done listening to you.
要不是被你说服跑去机场 If I hadn't let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place...
我也不会搞到去槌墙 ...I wouldn't have put my fist through the wall.
你槌墙？ You put your fist through the wall?
结果没打中 打到门 No, I missed and hit the door.
不过门弹得很用力 But it opened really hard.
- 你得去伦敦 - 什么？ - You have to go to London. - What?
你得去争取她 Yep. You have to go fight for her.
对 有道理 Oh, yeah, sure. That makes sense.
你说你爱她 她没有回应 Because you already told her you loved her, and she didn't say it back.
然后她打来说有男朋友 Then she called you and told you there was another guy.
去伦敦吧 她会被吓死 So yeah. Go to London. That will scare her.
瑞秋跟保罗在一起时 你做了什么？ When Rachel was with Paolo, what did you do?
我嘲笑他的口音 I made fun of his accent.
你让他轻松得手 你完全没争取 没错吧？ You sat back and let him have her. You didn't fight at all. Am I right?
你想让艾蜜莉也被抢走？ You want the same thing to happen with Emily?
- 不想 - 好 - No. - All right, then.
那就去争取她 飞去伦敦 Go fight for her. Go to London.
你和艾蜜莉也可以那样 I mean, that could be you and Emily.
比他们唯美 That, but nicer.
飞去伦敦 Just go to London.
- 真的？ - 快点 - Really? - Come on.
到她家门口 给她惊喜 别把她拱手让人 Surprise her. Show up at her doorstep. Don't let her go without a fight.
- 好 就这么决定 - 好的 - All right. All right. I'm going to do it. - All right.
我要去伦敦争取她 I'm gonna go to London, and I am gonna fight for her.
好 加油 Okay. Good luck.
罗斯 你到了机场 Ross, Ross. If you're going to the airport...
能不能帮我买特大三角巧克力 ...can you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars?
我想到了 我想到赚钱的路子了 Oh, oh, I did it. I did it. I figured out a way to make money.
我要开按摩院 找法兰克帮忙 I'm gonna open up my own massage place and Frank's gonna help me.
配合他的时问 他就不必休学 And we can work it around his schedule, so he doesn't have to quit school.
好主意 但你哪来的钱？ That sounds great. But how can you afford it?
我们走在路上 We were walking down the street...
看见你们办外烩的小巴 ...and we saw that van you used for catering.
- 就想到… - 我要说啦 - And we realized... - I'm telling it. I'm telling it.
人们需要交通工具 Okay, you know how people need transportation...
也需要按摩放松 ...but they also need massages to relax?
我们可以结合两者 我按摩 法兰克开车 So I just figured we could combine the two. Okay, I give the massages and Frank drives.
我可以在小巴里装个桌子 结果就是什么？ I can fix up the van, bolt the table in the back and you know what I've got?
有进无出的死亡小巴？ A place that no one will ever get out of alive?
不是 你们想嘛 就是给想放松的人搭的计程车 No, think about it. It's a taxi that people take when they need to relax.
叫做轻松任你行 It's a Relaxi-Taxi.
我最想讲的就是名字 The name was my favorite part.
- 是我想出来的 - 你乱讲 - Well, I came up with it. - You did not!
你想的是轻松之行 点也不好 No. You came up with Relaxi-Cab. That's not good.
- 嗨 罗斯 - 嗨 - Hello? ROSS - Hey.
天哪 你在英国吗？艾蜜莉惊喜吗？ Oh, my God. Ross, are you in England? Was Emily surprised?
不 因为她还没回家 No, because she hasn't come home yet.
她整晚都没回家 And she hasn't been home all night.
显然是跟另一个人在一起 She's obviously staying with that other guy.
我则是在这里守夜的白痴 And I'm the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment.
下班飞机是几点？ All right, when is the next flight out?
大约4小时后 About four hours.
再等一下 如果她还不出现就回来 Okay, just stay there a couple more hours. If she doesn't show up, come home.
告诉他轻松任你行的事 Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi.
问他是不是比轻松之行好 And ask him if he thinks that is better than Relaxi-Cab.
不是轻松之行 是轻松车行 正像计程车行 It's not Relaxi-Cab. It's Relaxi-Cab. Like Taxi-Cab.
这个比较好 Ooh, that is better.
这里是伦敦吗？ Are we in London?
你怎么在这里？你不能在这里 Why are you doing here? You can't be here.
我有话要对罗斯说 I've come to talk to Ross.
怎么了？ What?
没事 Nothing. No, nothing.
我本来想打给他 I was gonna call him...
你来说你爱他 我就知道 Oh, you came to tell him you love him. I knew it!
我是对的 我是对的吧？ I was right! I'm right, right?
我只想跟他谈 I'd really rather talk to him.
我去过他家 他不在 I've been to his apartment and he's not there.
我得跟他谈谈 And I need to talk to him.
你们知道他在哪里吗？ So do you have any idea where he is?
罗斯 你在吗？ Ross, are you there?
我不晓得你听不听得见 不过我就说了 Ross, I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm gonna talk anyway.
我在美国 跟你的妹妹和朋友在一起 I'm in the States with your sister and your friends.
我跟柯林分手了 And it's all over with Colin.
我来告诉你这件事 还有… I came here to tell you that and to tell you...
乔伊 你想要巧克力就拿吧 Yes, Joey, you can have all the chocolate you want. Just take it.
我来告诉你… 我爱你 I came here to tell you that I love you.
我也爱你 I love you too.
我现在就打公共电话给你 I'm gonna call you right now from the phone booth.
你听不见 You can't hear me.
真想知道你听不听得见 I wish I could know if you'd heard any of that.
我不是刚告白完 就是给了邻居笑柄 I suppose I've either told you that I love you or given my neighbors a good laugh.
纽曼太太 如果你在听 滚开 不关你的事 Mrs. Newman, if you're listening, bugger off. This is none of your business.
你八成听不见 Suppose there's not much chance you did hear that.
而且有电话进来了 And there's the call waiting...
我得挂了… ...so I should go.
就这样 Oh, well.
嗨？ Hello?
嗨 Hi.
罗斯 我爱你 Ross, I love you.
谢谢 Thank you.
我刚才去银行 有个很辣的行员 I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller.
她没有找我去金库嘿咻 And she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
我也是 Same kind of thing happened to me.
彼萨外送小妹来 Woman pizza delivery guy comes over...
放下披萨收了钱就走了 ...gives me the pizza, takes the money and leaves.
没说"你家好漂亮 卧房一定很大吧？" What, no "Nice apartment, bet the bedrooms are huge"?
完全没有 No, nothing.
你知道吗？我们得把A片关掉 You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
你说得对 I think you're right.
准备好了吗？ All right, ready?
- 一 - 二 - One. - Two.
- 三 - 三 - Three. - Three.
蛮好的 That's kind of nice.
有种解脱感 Yeah, that's kind of a relief.
- 想不想看它还在不在？ - 想 - You want to see if we still have it? - Yeah.
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