妈 你别紧张好吗？ Mom, would you relax?
那里离这有十条街远 而且那女子是夜间落单 That was 10 blocks from here, and the woman was walking alone at night.
我才不会那样 I would never do that.
妈 拜托 你别担心了 Mom, come on, stop worrying.
这条街很安全 这栋大楼很安全 没什么… This is a safe street. This is a safe building. There's nothing...
喔 天啊 你怎么飞进来的？ Aah! Oh, my God! What are you doing in here?
妈 我得挂电话了 Mom, I gotta go. I gotta go.
天啊 Oh, my God.
好 Okay.
没问题 你尽管看报纸 That's fine, you just read the paper.
我去拿个锅子 I'm gonna get a pot.
不是给你用的 It's not for you.
没问题 很好 Okay, that's fine.
看看《家庭马戏团》的漫画… Read the Family Circus...
享受温馨的喜剧 enjoy the gentle comedy...
喔 天啊… Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦 噢 老天 噢 老天 Ugh. Oh, God. Oh, God.
门没关 It's open, you guys.
- 嗨 - 嗨 有什么事吗？ - Hi. - Hi. Can I help you?
我找菲比 她还住在这里吗？ I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
她不住这了 但我可以传话 Uh, no, she doesn't. But I can get a message to her.
太棒了 就跟她说她的老公来过 Great. Uh, just tell her her husband stopped by.
她的什么？ Her what? Aah!
嘿 你怎么办到的？ Hey, how did you do that?
没有人告诉你活着有多累 ∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 ∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 ∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
日复一日 年复一年 ∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
时运不济 活着受罪 ∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
纵有狂风暴雨 ∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ I'll be there for you ∮
支持一如往昔 ∮ Like I've been there before ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ I'll be there for you ∮
你我相偎相依 ∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
这太扯了 菲比 你怎么可能已经结婚了？ This is unbelievable, Pheebs. How can you be married?
我没有"真正"结婚 I'm not "married" married, you know?
他是个朋友 还是个同志… He was just a friend, and he's gay...
他是加拿大人 需要绿卡 and he was from Canada, and he needed a Green Card.
我真不敢相信你嫁给邓肯 I can't believe you married Duncan.
你怎么没告诉我？ 我们是无话不说的姊妹淘 I mean, how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.
对不起 但如果我跟你说 你就会批评 I'm sorry, Monica, but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgmental...
- 也不会赞同的 - 我当然不会赞同 - and would not approve. - Of course I wouldn't approve.
你彻底爱上一个同志了 You were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay.
你到底怎么想的？ I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
好残忍的批评啊 See? And you thought she'd be judgmental.
我没跟他谈恋爱 我只是帮一个朋友 Okay, I wasn't in love with him. I was just helping out a friend.
他离开后 你失魂落魄一个月 Please. When he left town, you stayed in your pajamas for a month.
而且我看到你还吃了一个起司汉堡 And I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
难道你没有吗？ Well, didn't you?
可能有吧 I might have.
我真不敢相信你没告诉我 I can't believe you didn't tell me.
- 难道你有对我坦白一切？ - 我有什么隐瞒你？ - Come on. Like you tell me everything? - What have I not told you?
我不知道 Ooh, I don't know. Um...
比如说电线杆上的内衣是你的 how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours...
因为你跟巴比在阳台上做爱 from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace.
- 什么？ - 是谁告诉你的？ - What? - Wait a minute. Who told you?
你死定了 You are dead meat.
我不知道那是个大秘密 I didn't know it was a big secret.
喔 没什么大不了 没关系 Oh, it's not big. Not at all.
那有点像… You know, kind of on the same lines as, say
就好像… 有人有第三个奶头一样 I don't know, having a third nipple.
你有三个奶头？ You have a third nipple?
你这个烂人 You bitch.
- 我要看 我要看 - 对啊 - Whip it out. Whip it out. - Yeah, yeah.
没什么好看的 只是很小的突出 没什么作用 No, come on. There's nothing to see. It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless.
难道你其他的奶头就有作用？ Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?
我不敢相信 你跟我说那只是个肿块 I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
乔伊 你认为肿块是什么样子？ Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
我不知道 他那样说我就信了 I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.
- 让我再看一次 - 没错 我们要看 - Let me see it again. - Yeah, show us your nubbin.
乔伊演过色情片 Joey was in a porno movie.
我死的话 也要拖大家下水 If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.
- 我的妈呀 - 你演过色情片？ - Oh, my God. - You were in a porno?
那是年轻时候 我只想要份工作 I was young and I just wanted a job, okay?
但最后一刻我无法做下去 But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it.
他们后来让我演修影印机的人 但我没法修 So they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't...
因为有人在上面办那档事 because there's people having sex on it.
哇噢 Wow.
好狂野 That is wild.
- 那是什么形状？ - 有长毛吗？ - So, what's it shaped like? - Is there a hair on it?
你弹它时有什么反应？ What happens if you flick it?
（中央咖啡厅）
它有什么特殊之处？ So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
按下我的第三个奶头可以通往… Why, yes, Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance...
纳尼亚的神奇国度 to the magical land of Narnia.
有些文化认为 有三个奶头的人特别有男子气概 You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility.
你可以住最好的屋子 还有裸女围着你跳舞 You get the best huts, and women dance naked around you.
那地方会不会恰巧 就在这附近的三州地带？ Huh. Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the Tri-State area?
你真厉害 你有什么不懂的事吗？ You know, you are so amazing. Is there anything you don't know?
"茱莉好聪明" "茱莉好特别喔 " Ooh, Julie's so smart. Julie's so special.
我跟你一样渴望你跟罗斯复合 Look, honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did.
但他现在有新欢了 你得想办法克服这感觉 But he's with her now. You're just gonna have to get over it.
喔 我得想办法克服 Oh, I'm going to have to get over it.
我都不知道我就只能克服这感觉 God, see, I didn't know that's what I had to do. I just have to get over it.
喔 Whoa.
- 漂亮小姐 - 你要去哪？ - Sassy lady. - Where are you going?
我要去见邓肯 他今晚在花园广场溜冰 Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden.
他是溜冰表演团的 He's in the Capades.
- 冰上溜冰？ - 难不成在石头上溜？ - The Ice Capades? - No, no, the Gravel Capades.
虽然溜不快 但史努比跌倒时 还是很好笑 Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls? Funny.
我不敢相信你为他盛装赴约 你这是在自讨苦吃 I can't believe you're dressing up for him. You're setting yourself up all over again.
并不是 Okay, no.
我告诉你 我见他是为了忘掉这段感情 For your information, I'm going to see him so I can put all those feelings behind me.
我这样穿是因为我觉得… And the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice...
为同志老公打扮是很好的事 to look nice for your gay husband.
妈的 牛奶没了 Darn it, we're all out of milk.
钱德 帮我加满好吗？ Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?
喔 我懂了 原来是因为我有第三个奶头 Oh, I see, I see. Because of the third-nipple thing.
- 甜心 晚点再见了 - 再见 - Okay, sweetie, I'll see you later. - Bye.
- 瑞秋 待会儿见 - 拜拜 茱莉 - See you later, Rach. - Bye-bye, Julie.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
拜托 别闹了 Hey, come on, cut it out.
- 嘿 - 什么事？ - Hey. - What?
- 我能问你一件事吗？ - 当然可以 - Can I ask you something? - Sure.
- 嗯 - 什么啦？ - Eh. - What?
- 跟我说嘛 - 好吧 - Come on, talk to me. - Okay.
你恋爱时 不上床最久是… What's the longest you've been in a relationship before...
维持多久的时间？ having the sex?
你为何问这…？是谁… 你跟茱莉还没？ Why? Who's not...? Are you and Julie not...?
你跟茱莉还没上床吗？ Are you and Julie not having sex?
这个嘛 Well...
技术上来说是没有 Technically? No.
那是因为她在床上很冷感吗？ Is it because she's so cold in bed?
还是她有点颐指气使 让你觉得像小学生？ Or is it because she's kind of bossy, makes it feel like school?
不 她很好 我们不是完全没进展 No. No. She's great. And it's not like we haven't done anything.
我们做了很多事 比如说… I mean, we do plenty of other stuff. Lots of other stuff like...
不 我不需要知道细节 No, no, no. Don't need to know the details.
不 只是… No, it's just...
是我的缘故 It's me.
我这辈子就只跟过一个女人 You know, I've only been with one woman my whole life...
结果她变成一个蕾丝边 and she turned out to be a lesbian. Uh-huh.
所以现在我很害怕 So now I've got myself all psyched out.
这就像是… It's become, like, this...
一个障碍 this thing, and I...
你一定觉得我很怪 You must just think I'm weird.
不 我一点都不这么觉得 No. No, no, no. I don't think it's weird.
我认为 事实上… I think... I think, um, in fact...
- 你知道我怎么想吗？ - 怎么想？ - In fact, you know what I think? - What?
我认为这很性感 I think it's sexy.
性感？ Sexy?
我告诉你 身为女人 最性感的男人… Let me tell you something. As a woman... ...there is nothing sexier...
就是不想上床的男人 than a man who does not want to have sex.
- 真的？ - 你知道我会怎么办吗？ - No kidding. - Oh, yeah. In fact, you know what I'd do?
我会等待 I'd wait.
- 你会等待？ - 没错 我会等待… - You'd wait? - Yes, absolutely. I would wait...
等待… and wait...
再等待 Then I'd wait some more.
- 真的？ - 没错 - Really? - Oh, yeah.
不管她说她有多想要 她怎么乞求你… I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if she begs... ...she pleads
甚至拿跟别的男人上床来做威胁 She tells you she's gonna have sex with another man.
那就代表这招奏效了 That just means it's working.
女人要的是这个？ Women really want this?
比珠宝还渴望 More than jewelry.
（欢迎莅临麦迪逊花园广场）
嗨 Hi.
菲比 Phoebe.
嗨 Hi.
看看你 你看起来好漂亮 Ah, look at you. You look great.
是吗？谢谢 Do I? Thank you.
- 你也是 闪闪发光 - 谢谢 - So do you. Sparkly. - Thanks.
那么… So...
这真是太棒了 溜冰男主角 Wow. This is pretty wonderful, huh, Mr. Major Capades Guy.
我还记得你以前只是个跑龙套的 I remember when you were just like King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice Is Nice.
你总是说我会成功的 You always said I'd make it.
是啊 我的预感是蛮吓人的 Yeah, well, you know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Woo.
天啊 我真想念你 God, I missed you.
- 我得去换件衣服 - 好的 - I'm gonna get changed. - Okay.
我是说现在 Um, now.
- 什么？ - 菲比 - What? - Pheebs.
喔 好的 Oh. Right. Okay.
- 噢耶 - 什么？ - Olé. - What?
斗牛士… The Matador, so...
噢也 哈哈 Olé. Ha, ha.
- 甜心 帮我拿着好吗？ - 好啊 - Sweetie, can you hold this for a second? - Sure.
谢了 Thanks.
- 茱莉？ - 是的 - Uh, Julie? - Yeah.
对不起 有个古生物学家在你脸上 Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face.
现在没了 你没事了 But, uh, it's gone now. You're all right.
- 大家好 - 嗨 - Hi, everyone. - Hi.
听着 听着 我要谢谢你之前跟我的聊天 Oh, listen, listen... I wanted to thank you for, uh, our little talk before.
不客气 所以你会采取等待策略？ Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the waiting thing?
我本想这么做 但跟你谈过后 我跟乔伊谈过 Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
那很好 他怎么说？ Good. Ahem. What did he say?
基本上 他告诉我别想太多 尽管放手去做 Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it.
于是我想了想你说的和他说的 So I thought about what you said and about what he said.
依他的说法 我今晚就可以跟她上床 所以… And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight, so...
我口袋里的这个是什么？ What is this in my pocket?
天啊 是乔伊的色情月 Why, it's Joey's porno movie.
放进去播吧 Pop it in.
我无所谓 如果你看到里面的人只有两个奶头不会觉得奇怪的话 I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're okay watching a video filled with two-nippled people.
性爱画面 那正是我需要的 Great. People having sex. That's just what I need to see.
性爱有什么不对？ What's wrong with people having sex?
嗯… Well...
你知道 这种片子很恶心 Well, um, you know, these movies are offensive...
并且丑化女人和女性 and, uh, degrading to women and females...
灯光也打得很差 And, uh, the lighting's always unflattering.
还有… And...
- 摩妮卡 帮我一下 - 管他的 我想看乔伊 - Monica, help me out here. - Hell, I wanna see Joey.
是有故事情节还是他们直接就… So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right...
喔 当我没说 Oh. Never mind.
等等 那是我见过 最疯狂的打字测试 Okay, now, wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
我说她最好能得到这份工作 All I say is, she better get the job.
依我看 他才是得到这份"工作"的人 Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
我来了…我来了 Shh. Hey, here I come. Here I come.
我来修影印机了 See, I'm coming to fix the copier.
我没办法走到影印机那 心里想我该怎么办 I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?"
于是我就看他们亲热 So I just watch them have sex.
等等 我的台词来了 And then I say... Here's my line.
这样会弄坏送纸匣的 You know, that's bad for the paper tray.
- 干得好 朋友 - 谢谢 - Nice work, my friend. - Thank you.
等等 我又出现了 等等 那男的屁股挡着我 Wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me.
我出现了…出现了… There I am. There I am. There I am.
有什么事吗？你昨天去找我 So, um... So, what's up? You came to see me yesterday.
喔 对 Oh, yeah, um...
好吧 All right.
我需要离婚 I kind of need a divorce.
好…的 Okay.
为什么？ How come?
事实上 我要再婚了 Um, actually, I'm getting married again.
- 什么？ - 天啊 我真不知道该怎么告诉你 - What? - Oh, God, I don't know how to tell you this.
我是异性恋 I'm straight.
我知道 Yeah, I know.
我不懂 我不懂 你怎么会是异性恋？ I don't understand. I don't understand. How can you be straight?
你是如此聪明和风趣 又那么会办奥斯卡金奖派对 I mean, you're so smart and funny... and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
我知道 我也是那样告诉自己 I know. That's what I kept telling myself.
但有一天 你会发现再也无法活在谎言里 But you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
你知道有多久了？ So how long have you known?
我想在某个程度上 我一直知道自己是异性恋 I guess on some level I always knew I was straight.
我不应该是这样的 I thought I was supposed to be something else.
我是冰上舞者 我朋友都是同志 我只是想融入他们 You know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay. I was just trying to fit in.
那么… And, um...
所以你真的爱上一个女人？ And there's actually a woman?
- 她的名字是黛柏拉 - 哦 - Her name's Debra. - Oh.
他是你第一个在一起的女人？ Well, is she the first that you've been with?
我从没告诉过你… Well, I've never told you this...
但我大学时曾经有一 两次 but there were one or two times back in college...
喝得醉醺醺的跑去酒吧 when I'd get really drunk and go to a straight bar...
醒来发现身旁躺着女人 and wake up with a woman next to me.
我告诉自己那是酒精的缘故 大学还是摸索的年纪 But I told myself it was the liquor, and everyone experiments in college.
当然 Sure.
现在我知道自己没选择了 我生来就是如此 But now I know I don't have a choice about this. I was born this way.
我不知道要说什么 I don't know what to say.
你跟一个人结婚六年 以为自己很了解他 You know, you're married to someone for six years... and you think you know him.
但有一天他突然说 "我不是同志 " And then one day he says, "Oh, I'm not gay."
我还是我啊 I'm... I'm still me.
为何你在六年前没想清楚呢？ Why couldn't you just have figured this out six years ago?
你知道 里面闻起来还是有猴子的味道喔 You know, it still smells like monkey in there.
那我们就不用多说了 Well, that saves us the conversation.
今晚很棒 但我好累 Well, this has been great, but I'm officially wiped.
- 我也是 我们该走了 - 不 - Me too. We should get going. - No.
不 拜托你们 No. I mean... No. Come on, you guys.
别这样 现在才十一点半 Come on, look, it's only 11:30.
我们来聊天 我们好久没一起聊天了 Let's just talk. We never just hang out and talk anymore.
瑞秋 我们总是在聊天 Rachel, that's all we do.
我们或许经常那样 但茱莉呢？ Maybe that's all we do. What about Julie?
茱莉怎样？ What about Julie?
你出现在我们生活圈将近两个月 Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now...
但我们并不真的了解你 and we don't really know you.
我是说 茱莉是谁？ 你喜欢什么 讨厌什么？ I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like? What don't you like?
我们想知道一切 We want to know everything.
那要花点时间 Well, heh, that could take a while.
所以呢？ So?
这里有谁没时间了解茱莉？ I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
- 我有时间 - 我有 - I got the time to get to know Julie. - I got time, yeah.
瑞秋 我很了解她 我可以走吗？ Uh, Rach, ahem, I know her pretty well. Can I go?
好吧 That's fine.
我们从你的童年谈起吧 你的童年如何？ Okay, Julie, so let's start with your childhood. What was that like?
- 简而言之… - 哦 - Well, in a nutshell... - Ah-ah-ah.
那… 你告诉你父母了吗？ So, um, have you told your parents?
还没 但那没问题 他们不会有意见的 No, but it'll be okay. They're pretty cool.
我哥也是异性恋 所以… My brother's straight, so...
好了 Here you go.
对了 我还有个问题 You know what? I just have one more question. Um...
如果你早点发现 而我又在你身边 If you had figured this out sooner, and, um, I had been around...
你觉得我能不能成为…？ do you think I would have been the one who?
不 别告诉我 No, no. That's all right. Don't tell me.
不管是哪个答案我都不会宽慰些 拿去吧 I don't think either answer would make me feel better. Here.
我爱你 菲比 I love you, Phoebe.
所以你老哥是异性恋 是吗？ So your brother's straight, huh?
我是认真的 Seriously.
我二年级的老师是汤姆斯小姐… And my second-grade teacher was Miss Thomas...
一年级老师是柯比太太 and my first-grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.
葛比太太？ Ahem. Mrs. Gobb?
不 柯比 柯比沙拉的柯比 No, Cobb. Like cobb salad.
好 Hmm, okay.
那… 柯比沙拉里面到底有什么？ Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
我要回家了 I'm going home.
天啊 茱莉还真能讲 Boy, that Julie's a talker, huh?
晚安 Good night.
呼嘘 Whew.
- 那么… - 晚安 - So... - Good night.
时候不早了 你或许不再打算要… It's pretty late. You're probably, uh, not still planning on...
- 不 我还是想 - 哦 - Oh. No, no, I am. - Oh.
你会紧张吗？ Well, hey, are you nervous?
不会… 我… No, no. I, uh...
我有过经验的 I have done it before.
我是说 你打算怎么做？ Well, okay, I mean, how are you gonna handle it?
你会先跟她谈一谈 或者就直接扑上去？ Are you gonna talk about it beforehand? Are you just gonna pounce?
我不知道 我想我就… I, uh... I don't know. I guess I'm just gonna...
看着办吧 see what happens.
好吧 祝你好运 Okay. Good luck.
怎…？ What...? Uh...
- 怎么了？ - 没什么 - What? - Nothing. I mean, um...
这是你跟她的第一次 第一次不顺利的话 It is your first time with her, and, you know, if the first time doesn't go well...
日后要表现好就很难了 well then, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
你这么说我倒紧张了 Okay, now I'm nervous.
或许你应该缓一缓 Maybe you should put it off.
不 我不想再延后了 No, I don't want to put it off.
去年我悲惨到不行 God, I'm just... I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable.
现在我真的很快乐 And now I'm actually happy.
我是指真正的快乐 You know, I mean, really happy.
我只是不想… I just don't wanna...
我不想搞砸 你懂吗？ I don't wanna mess it up, you know?
我懂 I know.
对 Yeah.
- 对不起 - 不是你的错 - I'm sorry. - No, it's not your fault.
是啊 Right.
也许不用搞得这么难 Maybe it doesn't have to be this tough.
或许你说的"看着办"是最好的做法 Maybe you were on the right track with that whole, you know, spontaneous thing.
- 女人喜欢那样 - 真的？ - I mean, women really like that. - Really?
是啊… 我是说… Yeah. I mean, you know, if...
我是说如果是我的话 我会希望你… I mean if it were me, I'd, you know, want you to...
- 怎样？ - 在我没防备时来个真正… - What? - I don't know, catch me off guard. You know, with, like, a really...
棒的亲吻 good kiss.
就是… You know, really...
刚开始是轻柔的亲吻 sort of, um, soft at first.
然后拨开我脸上的头发 And then maybe, um, brush the hair away from my face.
然后深情的看着我 And then look far into my eyes...
让我知道有件… in a way that lets me know something...
美好的事即将发生 amazing is about to happen.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
然后 我不知道… And then, I don't know, then...
你会把我拉得很近 you'd pull me really close to you so that...
让我紧贴在你身上 So that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you.
那样就会有种… And, um, it would get kind of...
汗涔涔 sweaty...
朦朦胧胧的感觉 and, uh... And blurry.
于是就这样发生了 And then it's just happening.
噢 Oh.
谢了 瑞秋 晚安 Thanks, Rach. Good night.
喔 天啊 Oh, God.
早安 Good morning.
昨晚有人很爽喔 Well, somebody got some last night.
两次 Twice.