各位网友 各位亲 Attention, citizens of the Internet.
各位四肢健全的猛丝们 We are calling upon every able-bodied viewer
都来跟着谢伊玩一场心跳之旅吧 for another adrenalized tour of duty for Shay's Army.
我是"谢伊将军" I am General Shay.
我是"米奇上校" And I am Major Mitch.
-我是杰西 -闭嘴吧 杰西 - And I'm Jess-- - Shut the hell up, Jessie.
没人认识你这种屌丝 Seriously, no one's gonna recognize you.
你不作死 就不会有关注度 Not without a microwave cemented on your head.
我们在牧场公园进行直播 We're coming to you live from Hacienda Park
带来一场惊悚表演 where we have a stunt so daring...
超级惊爆 A video so bold...
-可能 -会 - It might... - Just...
惊爆全网 Break the Internet!
我们要把旋转木马 We're about to turn this merry-go-round...
改成"惊恐木马" Into a scary-go-round.
小爷喜欢 Daddy likes.
杰西 准备好头晕目眩了吗 Jessie, you ready to take a ride into infinity and beyond?
很好 Perfect.
准备 开始 Ready, set...
转吧 Spin.
旋转 跳跃 你沉醉了没 Look at him go. It's beautiful.
你真是"魔鬼赛车手"[烧焦橡胶] You're really burning rubber.
快让他停下 Shut him down, man.
别又来一次啊 Not again!
911紧急中心 你有什么紧急情况
牧场公园有辆摩托车着火了
至于原因 我们毫不知情
如今摩托也出自动驾驶款了吗 So what, now they got self-driving motorcycles?
那还有什么骑车乐趣 Wouldn't that defeat the point?
车主应该没走远 That rider couldn't have gone far.
巴克 埃迪 灭火 让车熄火 Buck, Eddie, hose that down and turn that bike off.
克里斯托弗好像看过这种小视频 Think I saw Christopher watching a video like this online.
视频里摩托可没起火 That bike wasn't on fire.
你还清醒吗 Hey, can you hear me?
把他抬下来 All right, let's get him off of there.
瞳孔严重扩散 His pupils are extremely dilated.
眼球脱臼 Globe luxation in both eyes
造成眼球凸出 causing them to bulge out.
血压爆表了 Blood pressure's off the charts.
开始输液 Starting a line.
他这是怎么了 What happened to him?
要看他这样转多少次了 Depending on how many times he was spinning around like that,
可能是"超负荷" it could be G-lock.
高速旋转导致身体重力负载吗 G-force poisoning from the force of the spin?
他全身血液全都集中在脑部了 Right now, all his blood is pooling inside his head.
压迫大脑 It's pressing against his brain.
他才昏迷了 That's why he's out cold.
不立即降低颅压 他可能会中风 We don't get that swelling down, he could have a stroke.
要让他脱险 才能送医院 We've gotta get him stable enough for transport.
注射生理盐水 Running isotonic fluids.
我好像见过这个人 Wait, I feel like I know this guy.
血压稳定 All right, BP's stabilizing.
眼部滴入治疗 Administering numbing drops.
铺好舞台 请开始你的表演 I'll hold back the curtains while you show these guests to their seats.
好了 All right.
可以了 Here you go.
老大 可以了 Cap, we're good here.
扶他起来 All right, let's get him up
把他送到附近脑外伤中心医院 and transported to the nearest neurosurgery trauma center.
我又能看见了 谢谢 I can see. Thank you.
谁把你害成这样 Who did this to you?
我知道是谁了 I have an idea.
杰西没事吧 他看起来伤得很重 You think Jessie's okay? He looks really messed up.
他不会有事 I'm sure he's fine.
我们是不是该一起去医院啊 Maybe we should go to the hospital.
恐怕你们去不成了 Afraid you're gonna be otherwise occupied.
你们非法入侵 破坏公物 You're under arrest for trespassing, vandalism,
怠忽致危 扰乱治安 我要逮捕你们 reckless endangerment, and disturbing the peace.
-你们没法证明 -不用我证明 - You can't prove anything. - Don't need to.
你们两个傻缺都直播招认了 You fools livestreamed your confession on the Internet.
两位 记得我们吗 Hey, guys. Remember us?
不是吧 怎么偏偏又遇上 You've gotta be kidding me. How small is this town?
未经我们同意 不能发到网上 Don't think you're posting that without our permission.
就算你们发了 Yeah, even if you did,
也只会帮我们涨粉 just gonna get us more followers.
不 这只给一个人看 Nah, this is just for an audience of one.
我以后真要带眼识人了 Man, I really need new friends.
紧急呼救
第三季 第十二集
我知道这笑意味着什么 I know that smile.
一对A Pair of aces.
同花顺 Flush.
太棒了 Yes!
他每次都上当 He falls for it every time.
我怎么总是输啊 How does this keep on happening?
因为你牌技太烂 Because you suck at poker.
话说 我也打得很烂 Spoken by someone who also sucks at poker.
不是吐槽你 但你该懂得及时收手 No judgment, but maybe you should quit while you're behind.
谁还想要酒 Who needs more wine?
来点烈酒 I'm gonna need something stronger.
谢谢你们邀请我 太有意思了 Thanks again for having me. This was fun.
输家表示没意思 For some of us.
身边情侣档都有事 Well, all our couple friends were busy,
我们只能找单身狗玩了 so we figured we would target solos.
如果不是知根知底 我还以为这是介绍对象呢 If I didn't know better, I'd say you were setting us up.
我这么喜欢你 怎么会让我弟去祸害你 No, I like you way too much to set you up with my brother.
你当我是空气吗 Hey now.
我也太爱你了 And I love you too much
舍不得让你一个人空虚寂寞冷 to let you keep being so incredibly, tragically...
准确来说是"惨兮兮" Some might say embarrassingly.
单身狗 Single.
也不至于用惨来形容吧 Tragic seems a bit much.
过去几个月 跟你最亲密的女人 Closest you've gotten to turning on a woman in the past few months
就是你手机里的"Siri" is shouting out, "Hey, Siri!"
她对我可好了 Well, she's very good to me.
给我唱歌 为我叫外卖 She sings me songs, she delivers me food,
替我规划好地点 时间 路线 she tells me where to be, when, and how to get there,
如果这都不算爱 and that is pretty much love.
还有... The rest I--
打住 求你 别再讲下去了 No, no, no. Dear God, I don't wanna know.
行了 别再虐我们单身狗了 All right, all right, just ease up on the solos.
我们已经很惨了 It's hard out here.
多谢理解 See? Thank you.
这里是洛杉矶 It's LA.
大家行色匆匆 不是在车里 Everybody's always in their car
就是低头看手机 or looking at their phones.
再不然就是在车里看手机 Or in their car looking at their phones.
我们只能靠网络交友 And we're stuck with online dating, which is--
网络又太不靠谱了 An absolute nightmare.
不是精神病 就是神经病 更别说骗财骗炮了 The crazies, the randos, the catfishers, and not to mention the liars.
美颜修图 堪比整容手术 Profile pics brought to you by Photoshop.
知足吧 你们遇到彼此是福气 Face it, guys. You two got lucky.
没错 They did.
现在找对象 难于上青天 You guys have no idea how hard it is out there for the solos.
阿尔伯特今晚去哪了 Where's Albert tonight?
他去约会了 He's on a date.
虐我啊 Come on.
找203室 Looking for room 203.
201室旁边怎么是205室啊 Didn't it just go from 201 to 205?
203室在那边左侧 It's the next one on the left.
实验楼教室号不一样 Lab classrooms have a different layout.
无语了 Of course they do.
再次谢谢你陪我来 Thank you again for coming.
如果没有你 Don't know if I'd be able to
这次家长会 我肯定晕头转向了 navigate the confusing waters of parent-teacher night without you.
我是护工 必须轻车熟路 Well, knowing these things is sorta my job.
看我眼色行事 Okay, follow my lead.
不用理会老师们的烂笑话 Try to ignore these teachers' corny jokes.
什么笑话 What jokes?
数学
无法静止不动的数字叫什么 What do you call a number that won't sit still?
"漫游数字"[罗马数字] A roamin' numeral.
怎么"搭建乐队舞台"[站起来] How do you make a bandstand?
拿走椅子 就站起来了 Take away their chairs!
音乐
他好像没听懂 I don't think he got it.
我听懂了 No, I-- I did.
克里斯托弗很喜欢自然学科 Christopher shows a great interest in science,
自然学科
但他会跟其他同学说 though he does keep telling other students
海啸根本不是事 tsunamis aren't a big deal,
这会误导别人 which is unhelpful.
我会跟他谈下这件事 I'll make sure to talk to him about that.
谢谢 Thank you.
不讲笑话吗 No jokes?
我想讲一个"化学反应"笑话 I try to tell chemistry jokes,
但"没反应" but there's no reaction.
听懂这个梗了吗 Get it?
"没反应" No reaction?
英语
果然是烂笑话不断啊 You weren't kidding about the jokes.
希望英语老师不会尬幽默 Well, hopefully the English teacher has a better shtick.
抱歉让你们久等了 So sorry to keep you waiting.
上个学生家长问了一大堆问题 My last student's father asked a surprising amount of questions.
想到了 I'm sure he did.
又见面了 普莱斯夫人 Good to see you again, Ms. Price.
你就是迪亚兹先生了吧 And you must be Mr. Diaz.
叫我埃迪就可以了 全名是 Please, call me Eddie. It's short for--
埃德蒙多 Edmundo?
很多人会以为是爱德华多 Most people guess Eduardo.
我祖父就叫埃德蒙多 Growing up, I had a grandfather named Edmundo.
他生前 我最喜欢他了 He was my favorite.
我也是 我... Mine too. I mean...
说一下克里斯托弗吧 So let's talk about Christopher.
他英语课表现不错 He's been doing really well in my class.
语言表达能力显著提升 His verbal skills have definitely improved.
他还是不太好意思大声朗读 He's still a little shy about reading out loud,
但阅读理解没问题 but he definitely understands the material.
一看就是从小有人给他读故事 I attribute that to him being read to from an early age,
早教做得好 so bravo there.
这都是他母亲的功劳 No, we have his mother to thank for that.
克里斯托弗说她去世之后 你来读了 Christopher tells me you've kept it up since she's been gone.
我努力模仿角色了 但她更擅长 I try to do the voices, but she was better at it.
我相信你也毫不逊色 I'm sure you're no slouch.
他确实很出色 No, he isn't.
克里斯托弗还是班里的人气王之一 Christopher is also one of our most popular students.
他喜欢给大家带来欢乐 He loves making the other kids laugh.
-这是个问题吗 -完全不是 - Is that a problem? - Not at all.
他是个贴心善良的好孩子 He's a very sweet and kind boy.
你把他教养得很好 You're doing a great job.
过奖 Thank you.
要聊聊刚才的事吗 We gonna talk about that?
我养了一个风趣幽默 人气爆红的人才吗 That I'm basically raising a funny, popular, young genius?
还对英语老师有点意思呢 That has a pretty young thing for an English teacher.
她漂亮吗 我都没注意 Was she pretty? Didn't even notice.
还装呢 I'm sorry.
刚才不是你一个劲暗送秋波 I must have you confused with someone
盯着弗洛里斯老师蓝洼洼的大眼睛吗 who couldn't stop gazing into Ms. Flores's big blue eyes.
是棕色 They were brown.
确实是 And you're right.
还说你没注意呢 Too bad you didn't notice.
卡洛威医生 Dr. Calloway.
格兰特警官 你好 Sergeant Grant. Good to see you.
-你丈夫怎么样 -巴比很好 多谢关心 - How's your husband? - Bobby's doing well, thank you.
你上报了一起枪伤事件 You called in a gunshot wound?
对 五十多岁女性 Yes. Female, early 50s.
来院检查 声称头疼 神志恍惚 Came in complaining about headaches and some disorientation.
根据组织愈合程度 Now, given the scar tissue,
这颗子弹大概在脑中待了两三个月了 I'm going to estimate this bullet has been there for two, maybe three months.
等下 这是以前中的枪吗 Wait. This is an old gunshot wound?
是 Yes.
中枪那天怎么没上报 Why wasn't it reported the day it happened?
因为那个女人都不知道自己中枪了 Because that woman didn't even know she had been shot.
今天才得知 Not until today.
琼安 Joan?
这是罗梅罗警探 This is Detective Romero.
他得问你 He needs to ask you--
又问吗 More questions?
这肯定是搞错了 I really think this has to be a terrible mistake.
我真没中过枪 I promise you I have never been shot.
不管是头 还是其他部位 In the head or anywhere else.
我要是中枪了 我能不记得吗 It feels like something I'd remember, don't you think?
女士 片子都拍出来了 Ma'am, we saw the X-rays.
我也看到了 那个医生 So did I. And Dr...
-卡洛威 -对 卡洛威医生 - Calloway. - Yes, Dr. Calloway.
感觉他人很好 He seems like a lovely man,
但医院经常出乌龙事件 but hospitals always make mistakes.
我还听说有患者被截错肢呢 I've heard stories about people having the wrong limbs amputated.
医生很肯定 Well, the doctor seems pretty sure,
所以我们要查一下你是不是出过什么事 so we need to investigate, find out what might've happened to you.
医生认为 如果你真中过枪 So the doctor thinks that if you were shot,
应该是一月份 二月初左右 it would've happened sometime in January, maybe early February.
那段时间有什么事发生吗 Did anything during that time period happen that was unusual?
没什么事 我生活很单调 Not really. My life is pretty boring.
就我和我丈夫两人 It's just me and my husband.
你丈夫呢 他正赶过来吗 Where is your husband? Is he on his way?
不 他出城了 去打高尔夫了吧 No, he's out of town. Golfing I think.
圆石滩高尔夫球场 Maybe Pebble Beach.
他去年提早退休了 He took early retirement last year,
一直闲不住 so he is always looking for things to do.
而我则喜欢宅在家 Me, I am a happy homebody.
我该联系他吧 I should call him, shouldn't I?
是这样 You know.
我包里可能有线索 I probably have the information in here.
琼安 你来医院检查头痛 Joan, you came into the ER with a headache.
你经常吃止痛片吗 Do you get those a lot?
以前不是 但现在必须吃 Never used to, but now it seems like I always have one.
我试着不喝咖啡 I tried cutting out caffeine
不喝红酒 不吃培根 但还是很疼 and red wine and bacon, but still.
给 Here.
谢谢 Thank you.
你总是习惯记录一切吗 Do you normally write everything down?
我以前记忆力特别好 Always prided myself in remembering things.
名字 手机号 生日 倒背如流 Names, phone numbers, birthdays.
但人上年纪了 就得写下来了 But you get older, and you start to need a little help.
琼安 你没事吧 Joan, are you okay?
我得再找一下那个医生 I think I need to talk to that doctor again--
-叫什么 -卡洛威 - Dr... - Calloway?
对 谢谢 我记性太差了 Yes, thank you. My memory is terrible.
我们先拿走行吗 稍后再还你 Do you mind if we keep this? We'll return it.
行 Go right ahead.
-谢谢 -谢谢 琼安 - Thank you. - Thank you, Joan.
她真不记得中过枪 She really doesn't remember being shot.
她好像也不愿记起 I'm not sure she wants to.
你觉得是她老公 You think it's the husband.
我觉得家家有本难念的经 I think that no one ever really knows what goes on inside of a marriage.
两口子之间也有秘密 Sometimes, not even the people inside it.
卡拉 Carla.
发生没事了 What the hell happened?
我都说克里斯托弗没事了 I told you Christopher is fine.
你不用非得跑过来 You didn't have to come down here.
就是蹭破点皮 It's just some scrapes and bruises.
他伤到自己了 怎么会这样 He hurt himself? How?
克里斯托弗不适合玩滑板呗 Well, it turns out that Christopher and skateboards don't get along very well.
-你让他玩滑板了 -我很抱歉 迪亚兹先生 - You let him skateboard? - I am so sorry, Mr. Diaz.
我们不知道一个学生带滑板来学校了 We didn't know one of the kids had brought a skateboard.
你不知道 You didn't know?
他万一摔断脖子怎么办 He could've broken his neck.
我知道 我很歉疚 I know, and I feel terrible.
其他同学教他怎么滑 The other kids were showing him how to ride it
他们不知道 and they didn't know that--
是吗 Didn't they?
不是故意让脑瘫患者玩滑板来取乐吗 No, let's push the kid with CP around on a skateboard for fun.
你让他们逗弄我儿子 You let them make a fool out of my son.
埃迪 Eddie.
真不是那样 I promise you that's not what happened here.
克里斯托弗 Christopher.
天呐 My God.
你没事吧 Are you okay?
很抱歉弄脏衣服了 I'm sorry about my clothes.
这没什么 No, don't worry about that.
我可以回家 拿些干净衣服来 I could run to the house, get some clean clothes for him to change into.
不用了 我们直接回家 No, we're done for the day.
走 我们回家 Come on. We're leaving.
但还没放学呢 But school isn't over.
你放学了 It is now.
很感谢 萨默斯校长 Well, I appreciate that, Principal Summers.
好 谢谢 Okay. Thank you.
明天会看到有孩子被"挂尸"吗 So should I expect some kid's head on a spike at tomorrow's drop-off?
学校让带滑板的孩子先回家了 They sent skateboard kid home early.
校长明早会见那个孩子的家长 Principal's gonna meet with the parents in the morning,
看怎么处罚 figure out what the punishment should be.
那摔下滑板的孩子呢 And what about the kid who fell off the skateboard?
克里斯托弗受伤要挨罚吗 Think I should punish Christopher for getting hurt?
不 但你该跟他聊一下他怎么会受伤 No, but I think you should talk to him about how he got hurt.
我知道克里斯想跟其他孩子一样 但是 I know Christopher wants to be like all the other kids, but--
你想让我说 他跟正常孩子不一样吗 You want me to tell him he's different?
他已经知道这一点了 He already knows that.
你得教会他怎么应对 You need to teach him what it means.
有些事 他做不了 That he has limitations.
我不会跟我儿子说这种话 I'm not gonna tell my kid that.
小家伙 你感觉怎么样 Hey, buddy. How you feeling?
很蠢 Dumb.
什么 你说什么呢 What? What are you talking about?
大家都看到我摔跤了 Everybody saw me fall.
摔跤而已 不足为奇 People fall. It happens.
不是什么丢脸的事 Nothing to be embarrassed about.
那个同学就不该逼你玩滑板 That boy should've never pressured you into getting on that skateboard.
是我想玩 It was my idea.
你想玩滑板吗 It was your idea to get on the skateboard?
感觉很有意思 但滑起来很难 Looked fun. It wasn't.
克里斯 你为什么那么做 Chris, why would you do that?
你知道这样很危险 You had to know it'd be dangerous.
你总说 我什么都能行 You always said I can do anything.
你骗我 You lied.
你的催促成功了 Okay, it worked. You inspired me.
不知道你指什么 但不用谢了 I don't think I meant to, but you're welcome.
我开始上相亲网站找对象了 I may have reactivated one of my dating profiles.
真的啊 Really?
我那晚跟一个男人聊了俩小时 I spent two hours on the phone the other night
他很贴心 很风趣 talking to a cute guy who seems sweet and funny
跟那种随机交友的屌丝完全不是一个档次 and not at all like one of those chat room psychos.
你怎么知道 Wait, how can you tell?
他的介绍语不是火星语 语法正确 还加了标点 His profile contains actual sentences with correct grammar and punctuation.
还用对了分号 There was even a successfully deployed semicolon.
我从来不用分号 不知道怎么用 I never use semicolons. I just don't get the point.
总之 我们约好今晚在公共场所见面 Anyway, we're meeting up tonight in a public setting,
我满心期待啊 and I am really looking forward to it.
我 I just--
怎么了 What?
我不想只是约炮 I don't want the one-night stand.
我不想再做单身狗了 I'm tired of being alone.
除了同事 Aside from my coworkers,
我人生中最真切的情感交流就是"求救电话" the most meaningful relationships in my life are made 10 minutes at a time
全都是陌生人 with people I'll never see or talk to again,
有些还会遇难身亡 some of whom don't survive.
虽然有些傻气 但他打来电话 It sounds silly, but he calls,
我迫不及待接电话 and I'm excited to answer the phone
很久没有这种感觉了 for the first time in a long time.
这一点也不傻气 I don't think that sounds silly at all.
你不觉得网上交友不靠谱喽 So you don't think online dating is a terrible idea?
每个人都会寻获自己的缘分 I think everyone has a match.
缘分会迟到 但不会缺席 You just have to find him.
大家好 我是泰莎 Hey, guys. Tessa here.
今年27岁 来自湾区 I'm 27 and from the Bay Area.
先公开 我是素食者 Full disclosure, I'm a vegan,
只吃蔬菜 但除此之外 就没什么了 so living that plant life, but otherwise normal.
我刚下载这个软件 I just reinstalled this app on my phone.
希望我不会被辜负 Please don't make me regret it.
网上的妹子们好 Hello, women of the Internet.
我是盖瑞 I'm Gary.
我喜欢在海边散步 喜欢谈心 I like long walks on the beach, deep conversations,
总之就是交友那一套 都喜欢 and other boilerplate dating clichés.
希望找个甜美妹子 让我可以卸了这个软件 Hoping to find someone sweet to get me off this godforsaken app,
联系我吧 so let me know.
配对成功
这是一段网恋
最奇葩的"网恋奔现"
没有之一
开端很美好
美酒佳肴 很愉快
小酌几杯 很有情调
回家准备覆雨翻云
她性感撩人
他完美先生
我动心了
就在那边 Yeah. Just right there.
然后画风突变
她把约会准则抛诸脑后了
亲热之前 大号
亲热之后 大号
千万别在亲热之际 上大号啊
快下去啊 下去啊 Come on, come on, come on.
坏了 坏了 No, no, no. No.
完了 Shoot!
快冲下去 Okay, come on.
别啊 别啊 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
扔下去好了 Come on, come on. Come on.
不是吧 别这么衰啊 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
加把劲 Come on.
我能拿到 Come on!
天 God.
别卡住啊 Come on.
911紧急中心 你有什么紧急情况
该从何说起呢
厕所门反锁了 Bathroom door's locked.
埃迪 能不能把她拽出来 Eddie, can you move her or not?
我还没到 老大 Not there yet, Cap.
长发姑娘 请扔下你的[出自《魔发奇缘》 将长发扔下] Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your--
小心 Watch out!
还以为又有人扔孩子了 And I thought the new baby went everywhere.
美国之前发生一起火灾 有人情急之下把婴儿从窗户扔下 一个路人接住了
我幻想的爱情童话破灭了 This is not the fairytale romance I had in mind.
约会不满意 你是想跳窗逃走吗 So what, bad date and you were trying to escape?
简直是现实版"雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险" No, there was a whole Lemony Snicket level of things that went wrong here.
-她没在门边吧 -没有 老大 - She clear of the door? - Sure is, Cap.
动手吧 Do what you gotta do.
天呐 God.
他肯定再也不想见到我了 He's never gonna wanna see me again.
对不起 我会赔偿你维修费 I'm sorry. I'll pay to fix that.
各位 看看能不能把她慢慢抬下来 Okay, guys, let's try to gently pull her through.
女士 用力呼气 Ma'am, I need you to exhale.
停手吧 原路返回是不可能了 Okay, stop. She's not gonna come out the way she went in.
老大 这是原木 Cap, this is original wood.
没法直接把顶部窗格"拉"出去 We can't just poop out the top panel.
推出去 没法推出去 无意冒犯 Pop. We-- can't just pop out the top panel. Sorry.
我们得把窗框拆掉 We have to take apart the frame.
各位 上电锯 Guys, we're gonna need the saws.
你们要锯掉窗户 You're gonna cut the window?
坏事一桩接一桩 This just keeps getting worse.
女士 请冷静 她情况如何 亨 Ma'am, just try to stay calm. How's she looking, Hen?
体征正常 就是有点喘粗气 Vitals are good. Just breathing a little heavy.
你哪里疼吗 Are you in pain?
不疼 见过有人羞愤而死吗 No, but has anyone ever died of actual shame?
真抱歉 盖瑞 I'm sorry, Gary.
我没想到初次约会就闹得这么难堪 This is not how I wanted our first date to go.
触底反弹嘛 It can only get better from here, right?
我正好趁机换个飘窗 I've always wanted a bay window.
他大概再也不想见到我了 He's probably never gonna wanna speak to me again,
你根本不知道现在找对象有多难 and you have no idea how hard it is to meet someone these days.
信我吧 同为单身汪 我懂 Believe me, as a fellow solo, I know.
埃迪前两天倒是遇到了中意的姑娘 Eddie might've finally met someone special.
结果转头就把人家臭骂一顿 Then he went and bit her head off.
她绝对不会搭理他了 而且他儿子还会因此挂科 Now she'll never talk to him again and will probably flunk his kid.
还不许人家说大实话了 Well, you kinda did.
电锯送上去了 老大 Saw's on its way up, Cap.
你们要用电锯 Are you guys using a saw?
好了 人救出来了 All right, guys. We got her out.
深呼吸一下吧 Can you take a deep breath for me?
-肋骨疼吗 -不疼 - Any pain in your ribs? - I'm okay.
没事就好 You good? All right.
我自己打车回家 I'll call a Lyft.
留下吧 Or you-- or you could stay.
爱情来得太快就像龙卷风
但谁不喜欢圆满结局呢
遇见对的人一定要把握住
孩子们都会觉得大人骗自己 Pretty sure all kids call their parents liars at some point.
轮到自己身上 就不是滋味了 Yeah, well, feels a little different when you hear it coming out of your kid.
等到了叛逆期 你就等着操心吧 Just wait till he gets to the "I don't have to do what you tell me" phase.
你的叛逆期也太长了吧 Aren't you still in that phase?
关键是 他说得对 The thing is, he's right.
我确实骗了他 I lied to him.
算是自欺欺人吧 Or maybe I lied to myself.
总之 我真是太傻了 Either way, I feel like a fool.
我多年来一直想给他编织一个童话世界 I spent years trying to convince my kid to believe in the Easter Bunny.
可到头来 还是得告诉他残酷的真相 But now I gotta tell him none of it's real.
也不必矫枉过正 Yeah, I think you might be overcorrecting here.
告诉他 他和别的孩子一样就好 Told him he's no different than the other kid.
但他与众不同 他有脑瘫 But he is. He has CP.
很多正常孩子能做的事 他都做不了 There's a lot he can't do.
你听说过吉姆·阿伯特吗 Have you ever heard of Jim Abbott?
棒球运动员吗 Baseball player?
上世纪90年代投出一场无安打比赛 Pitched a no-hitter in the '90s,
能达成此成就的投手凤毛麟角 which in itself is pretty crazy,
但更劲爆的是 吉姆·阿伯特生来只有一只手 but it's even crazier if you know that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand.
千真万确 我在医院时读了他的事迹 Yeah, really. I read his book when I was in the hospital.
好吧 Okay.
他怎么做到的 How'd he do it?
他不断练习戴手套 投球接球都用一只手 He practiced switching his glove to his throwing hand relentlessly
投完球后 他就能无缝接球 so that he could field after he pitched.
满满的正能量 I like the positivity.
可不管练得多努力 I'm just not sure how any amount of practice
克里斯恐怕都没法玩滑板 is gonna help Chris stay on a skateboard.
我又不是腿脚不便 I'm not an invalid, you know.
我需要什么可以自己买 I can still get groceries for myself.
我好心帮你 I'm doing something nice.
-道谢就行了 -谢谢你 - Say thank you. - Thank you.
不客气 You're welcome.
脑中有子弹的患者怎么样了 So what's happening now with your bullet lady?
医生今早手术取出了子弹 They removed the bullet this morning,
还在等弹道检测 看会不会有线索 so just waiting on ballistics to give us a clue to something.
她丈夫怎么说 Well, what about the husband?
他声称自己对妻子中弹毫不知情 Claims he has no idea how his wife got shot.
-我爱你 -我也爱你 - I love you. - I love you too.
我更爱你 I love you more.
他当时还想质问我们呢 He actually tried to interrogate us.
先下手为强啊 Yeah, the best defense is a good offense.
他有不在场证明吗 What about his alibi?
现在还不清楚她中弹的时间 Well, we don't even know when she was shot.
弄不清时间点 就无从下手 I mean, without a specific timeline, we can't prove anything.
妻子依然不怀疑是其丈夫所为吗 And the wife still doesn't suspect him at all?
爱情使人盲目 They say love is blind.
但她大概不是故意装傻 But in this case, I think willfully so.
她之前记性很好 I mean, she went from having a great memory
可现在连刚见过的医生名字就记不住 to forgetting the name of the doctor that she met an hour ago.
她之前没有头疼的毛病 Never prone to headaches,
现在吃止痛药跟吃糖一样 but now she chewing aspirin like they breath mints.
她的人生彻底乱套了 I mean, her whole life fell apart.
但她数月来从未想过自救 But she chose not to seek help for months.
也许她想不到丈夫会伤害她 Well, maybe she just can't believe the man that she married could ever hurt her.
她兴许自以为了解自己的枕边人 Hell, he's her husband. She thinks she knows him.
可有时 人们其实并不了解自己的配偶 Yeah, sometimes you don't know who you married to,
一方故意隐瞒能怎么办啊 and sometimes, they don't want you to know.
真相总有大白的一天 The truth eventually comes out, though.
也许子弹取出后 真相就会水落石出 But maybe with this, it'll come out with your bullet.
是啊 Yeah.
医生说 取出子弹其实并不难 You know, the surgeon said that taking it out wasn't that hard.
他们之前很担心 因为子弹在大脑中 I mean, they were worried about the location of the bullet,
手术取出也许会有风险 the risk of taking it out,
但事实证明 她好得很 but as it turns out, she's just fine.
阿西娜 Athena.
我这下明白你为什么好心帮我买东西了 Well, you know, now I finally know the motive of the groceries.
手术的事就不要再提了 Look, I am not having this conversation again.
我不会做手术 I am not doing that surgery.
你也不能就这样等死啊 So you're just gonna wait to die.
我会做化疗 I'm going through another bout of radiation.
医生帮我争取了新的化疗药物 The doctors put my name on a list for a trial for this new chemotherapy pill.
该药消除肿瘤的效果喜人 You know, it's showing some promise for shrinking tumors.
-有几成把握 -我知道你觉得... - How much promise? - Look, I know that you think--
你这个傻子 That you are a fool.
我想支持你的决定 迈克尔 Look, I wanna be supportive, Michael,
我想尊重你的意愿 I wanna respect your wishes, but...
但我不想看你死去 I do not want you to die.
我也不想死 Me either. Okay?
弹道检测结果出来了 找到枪支了 Ballistics just came back. They found a match.
-丈夫的枪吗 -更惊人 - Does the gun belong to the husband? - Worse.
是妻子的枪 It belongs to the wife.
-格雷格吗 -你就是乔什吧 - Greg? - You must be Josh.
幸会 It's really nice to meet you.
初次约会 你真会选地方 As first dates go, I gotta admit you chose well.
大家通常觉得墓地不适合约会 You know, you don't usually think of the cemetery as a romantic place for a date,
但墓地离奇有趣 气氛神秘朦胧 but it's quaint, kind of kitschy,
四处都有出口 and there are plenty of exits
万一约会对象讨人嫌 随时可以跑路 in case one of us turns out to be too sketchy.
在这里看看老电影 I figure there is nothing more romantic than watching an old movie
在已故电影演员的坟前吃零食 多浪漫啊 snacking on the graves of the people who used to make them.
谢谢 Thank you.
要是死人复活成僵尸 If the zombies rise up,
那我们就会被埋在这里的电影明星的编剧啃成渣渣 we'd be eaten by all the silver screen starlets and screenwriters.
脑洞真大 I love it.
-干杯 -干杯 - Cheers. - Cheers.
你的工作环境压力很大吧 And you like it there? It's not too stressful?
不 简直是压力山大啊 No, it's unbelievably stressful.
但每天工作结束回到家 But how many jobs can you go home at the end of the day
都感觉自己是一个对社会有用的人 and feel like you've made a difference?
我不会大富大贵 也不会声名远扬 I'll never be rich. I'll never even be recognized.
但我会... But I'll be...
活得很有意义 worthwhile.
从前去电影院的一大乐趣就是在后排亲热 You know, I remember when going to the movies was about making out in the back row.
我听说鲁道夫·瓦伦蒂诺[明星]的墓碑就在这里 I heard Rudolph Valentino's grave is somewhere around here.
我们去后排找找看吧 Maybe in the back row.
我来之前还信誓旦旦说 初次约会不想乱搞 This is exactly what I said I wouldn't do on a first date.
来嘛 再不疯狂就老了 Come on. This is the fun stuff.
怎么这么久 Took you long enough.
虽然不知道你们俩搞什么名堂 Okay, I don't know what you guys are into,
但我可不想插一脚 but it definitely doesn't feel like my scene.
你整天接听求救电话 辨别真伪好坏 You know, for somebody who spends their days listening for clues,
这次怎么这么迟钝啊 you sure managed to miss all of 'em.
不要 拜托 No. Please.
你可是在网上求着我们耍你玩 Hey, I'm not the one who went online begging somebody to play me.
我们走 Let's go.
那边怎么回事 Hey, what's going on over there?
911紧急中心 你有什么紧急情况
天呐 My God.
乔什 你没事吧 Josh, are you okay?
我没事 I'm okay.
-怎么回事 -我被抢劫了 - What happened? - I got jumped.
钥匙 手机 钱包都被抢走了 They took my keys, my phone, my wallet,
我还被暴揍了一顿 beat the crap out of me.
有那么一瞬间 For a minute there, I...
我都以为他们打算杀了我 I thought they were gonna kill me.
约会之后的事吗 Was this after your date? The movie thing?
约会时就发生了 It was my date.
-约会对象打了我 -天呐 太惨了 - He was the one. - God, I'm so sorry.
我中了他的圈套 He set me up.
他和朋友合伙设计我 打得我措手不及 Him and his friend. I never even saw it coming.
我真傻 I am an idiot.
我当初还以为他是个好人 I thought he was sweet.
-我还以为他喜欢我 -别这么说 你只是一时被蒙蔽了 - That he liked me. - No. You just trusted the wrong person.
罗素先生 Mr. Russo?
警方搜查了墓地 We had officers canvass the cemetery.
没有找到你的手机 There's still no sign of your phone,
但你的钥匙和钱包都找到了 but they recovered your keys and your wallet.
里面的现金已经没了 I'm afraid the cash was gone though.
至少不用费力重办信用卡和身份证了 At least they saved me the hassle of replacing all my credit cards and IDs.
你可以去警局取回你的财物 You can pick up your things at the station.
警探会给你做口供 A detective will take your formal statement then.
我必须今晚去吗 Does that have to happen tonight?
我真的精疲力竭了 I'm just really worn out.
这样吧 Well, you know what?
你今晚先住我家 You can just stay with me tonight
我明早开车送你去警局 and I'll drive you to the station in the morning.
没问题 那就明天吧 Of course. Tomorrow is fine.
你真没法认出他们吗 Are you sure you didn't recognize either man?
他们有没有可辨别的特征 No identifiable features?
没有 抱歉 No. Sorry.
我们会尽力调查 但你最好不要期望太高 Look, we'll do our best, but I need to set your expectations.
没事 我都懂 No, I know the drill.
不介意的话 我想赶紧离开 If it's okay, I'd like to get out of here
忘记这个糟心的夜晚 and just put this whole night behind me.
-有需要就联系我们 -谢谢 - Call us if you think of anything else. - Thanks.
-乔什 -我已经觉得自己很丢人了 - Josh. - I already feel like a fool.
这种丑事不必宣扬地人尽皆知 I don't need the rest of the world in on the joke.
-没发现吗 -连把枪的影子都没有 - Nothing? - No sign of the gun. Or any gun.
没有子弹 枪击残留和血液 No ammunition, no gunshot residue, no blood.
家里一尘不染 The house is immaculate.
女士 我们是洛杉矶警局 Ma'am? Hi, LAPD.
能跟你聊聊吗 May we speak to you a moment?
有何不可 反正庭院不急着修理 I don't see why not. Just doing a little yard work.
是啊 罗梅罗警探刚还夸你家庭院整洁呢 Yes, Detective Romero was remarking on how lovely your yard looks.
我确实在庭院上下了大工夫 Being out here does take up most of my day.
那你对这一带的大小事应该了如指掌吧 I'm sure you see everything that goes on around here.
我还是邻里治安联防主席呢 I am also the president of our neighborhood watch.
我对此责无旁贷 I take that responsibility very seriously.
你和沃利斯一家熟吗 How well do you know the Wallaces?
我们经常打招呼 我一直喜欢琼安 We wave occasionally. I always liked Joan.
但我之前不太了解亨利 Never that sure about Henry.
他退休后 我才有机会了解他 Then he retired, and I finally was able to make up my mind.
我不喜欢他 I don't like the man.
别对外人说 琼安好像也不喜欢他 Between you and me, I'm not sure Joan does either.
他们夫妻关系不和吗 They weren't getting along?
从前的退休年龄是65岁 You know, people used to retire at 65
可当时人均寿命才68岁 back when life expectancy was 68.
现在倒好 提前退休 劳燕分飞 Now, it's all early retirement and late life divorce.
别怪我多嘴 I'm sorry, but I don't understand
这和入室抢劫有什么关系 what any of this has to do with the break-in.
他们家遭到入室抢劫了吗 Someone broke into their home?
你们不是因为这个才上门吗 I assumed that was why you all were here.
但讲真 你们也太迟了吧 Though honestly, you are a little late to the party.
都过了三个月了 That must've been three months ago.
沃利斯夫妇告诉你 他们家遭入室抢劫了吗 Did the Wallaces tell you they'd had a break-in?
不是 我听他们的承包商说的 No. Their contractor did.
那扇窗户整修过了 That window there was replaced.
承包商还拖走了部分家具 一块地毯 The contractor hauled away some furniture and a rug,
一堆圣诞装饰 a bunch of Christmas decorations.
听说 地板也重铺过了 Said he painted and redid the floors too.
重装犯罪现场 Redecorating the crime scene?
怪不得我们一无所获 That's why we couldn't find anything.
我好几周没见琼安和亨利了 Didn't see Joan or Henry for weeks.
他们出远门了 They were out of town.
你记得具体日期吗 Do you remember when all of this happened?
1月11日 January 11th.
你们需要承包商的联系方式吗 Would you like the contractor's information?
需要 我还想给你一个大大的拥抱 Yes. Then I'd like to hug you.
还是请沃利斯先生移步门外吧 I think it'd be best if Mr. Wallace stepped outside.
这么生分干什么 让亨利留下吧 That's silly. Henry should stay.
我记性很差 他兴许还能帮上忙呢 My memory is terrible. Maybe he can help.
还给你吧 我们复印过了 You can have this back. We made a copy.
谢谢 Thanks.
我都不记得给你们了 I was wondering where that had got to.
我们翻看记事本时 When we were looking through it,
未发现你外出旅行的记录 we noticed that there didn't seem to be any entries about your trip,
你也没记录客厅重新装修过了 or the living room remodel.
我们重新装修了客厅吗 Did we remodel the living room?
没错 确实装修过了 No, that's right. We did.
可我不记得原因了 I just don't remember why, though.
我们去年才装修过 We just finished the house last year.
为什么要重装客厅呢 Why did we redo the living room?
你记得1月11日的事吗 Do you remember what happened on January 11th?
你们当时似乎在拆卸圣诞装饰 Maybe you were taking down Christmas decorations?
不可能 我们从来都是过完元旦就拆掉 No, we always take those down right after New Year's.
亨利 那块地毯呢 Henry, what happened to that rug?
我可喜欢那块地毯了 I loved that rug.
为什么要换掉啊 Why did we replace it?
那天出事了 There was an accident.
亨利 Henry...
你干了什么 What did you do?
你干了什么啊 What did you do?
你不是说好帮我把花环摘掉吗 I thought you were gonna take down those wreaths for me.
-等等 -等什么等 - In a minute. - No more minutes.
我们上周就该收拾干净了 We should've put all this stuff away last week.
没收拾又能怎样 What happens if we don't?
过了马丁路德金纪念日没摘花环 Does the world come screeching to a halt
地球不照样转吗 because the wreaths are up past MLK Day?
你现在怎么这样了 I don't know why you're like this.
你上班时 状态多好啊 I miss when you used to work for a living.
你一天班都没上过 Yeah, well, you've never worked a day in your life.
谁说我没有 The hell I haven't.
我整天操持这个家 I have taken care of this house
我照顾了你30年 and I've taken care of you for the last 30 years,
我只要求一点回报 and all I ask is that you--
你要求我每周工作60多个小时 And all you have asked is that I work 60-plus hours a week
给你挣钱花 给你买房子 to support you and this house
供你去学贵得离谱的手艺 and whatever ridiculously expensive hobby your heart desires.
这就是你陶艺班的成品 Ceramics class?
亨利 你干什么 Henry, what did you do?
你知道我费了多大心血才做好吗 Do you know how hard I worked on that?
不知道 但我知道你学这个花了我多少钱 No, but I know how much it cost me for you to learn how to make something
这种东西我花20块就能买到 that I could buy for 20 bucks!
摔玻璃课开课啦 Glass-blowing lessons!
你干什么 What are you doing?
我的人生我做主 This is my time!
我要好好享受退休生活 My retirement!
你休想控制我的美好时光 And I'm not gonna let you rule my golden damn years
你都管了我一辈子了 the way you rule the rest of my damn life.
行 Fine.
我自己拆装饰 I will deal with the decorations myself.
我本以为你退休后 I always thought when you retired,
我们能好好享受二人时光 it would be our time.
我们一起享受生活 Our time together.
我知道你心里有怨气 I know you're upset about something,
但我是你老婆 你这辈子是摆脱不了我了 but I'm your wife, so you're stuck with me.
你居然开枪打我 You shot me.
我当时鬼迷心窍了 I don't know what came over me.
可一想到还得跟你憋屈地过30年 我就来气 The thought of 30 more years in that house with you, and I--
大概是一时冲动了吧 Call it temporary insanity.
这话留着跟法官说去吧 Well, you are certainly within your rights to make that case to a judge.
对不起 琼琼 I'm sorry, Joanie.
我开枪后 立刻后悔了 I regretted it immediately after I did it.
我想尽力弥补你 I tried to make it up to you as best I could.
以后好好待你 After.
你骗了我 You lied to me.
你一直都知道实情 All this time, you knew what was wrong with me,
却骗我 是我脑子出了问题 and you kept telling me it was all in my head.
没错 因为你朝我脑袋打了一枪 Well, I guess it was, because you put it there.
不会有事了 Now, you're gonna be okay.
他拿我当傻子耍 He played me for a fool.
你刚刚证明了 你不会任人摆布 And you just showed him that he was wrong.
克里斯 快来 Chris. Come on, buddy.
吃完早餐 该去上学了 Eat something before school.
我不舒服 I don't feel well.
病了吗 You sick?
确定吗 You sure?
我不想去上学 I don't wanna go.
好吧 Okay.
你还在为那天的事不开心吗 You still upset about the other day?
我就是想和大家一样 I just wanna be like everyone else.
我懂 I know.
但你跟别人不一样 But you're not.
我之前确实告诉你 你什么都能做 I know I told you you can do anything,
我那样说 很不负责任 and that was a dumb thing for me to say.
-因为我有脑瘫 -不是 - Because I have CP. - No.
因为 Because...
没人无所不能 Nobody can do everything.
没错 你确实有些事做不了 And yes, there are things in life that you're not gonna be able to do.
而有些事 你有能力去做 And there's other stuff that you are gonna be able to do,
但要付出比别的孩子百倍的努力 but it's gonna be a lot harder than it is for the other kids
因为你有脑瘫 because you have CP.
对不起 我不会再滑滑板了 I'm sorry. I won't skateboard again.
不是滑板的问题 It's not about the skateboarding.
我就是不希望你因此退缩 I just don't want you to be scared.
你试过了 但没成功 You tried something, and it didn't work out.
也许下次就行了 Maybe the next time it does.
但你就会滑滑板 But you can skateboard.
你知道我不会干什么吗 You know what I can't do?
做饭 Cook?
太扎心了 Hey, that's not nice.
不过确实是大实话 But probably true.
我手笨 I have black thumb.
种什么 死什么 I've killed every plant that's ever been given to me.
但你的科学老师告诉我 But your science teacher told me
你是班上表现最棒的孩子 that you did the best job out of your whole class
你很擅长园艺 growing plants from seeds,
你这点比我强多了 so there's something you're better at than me.
-真的吗 -真的 - Really? - Really.
我不希望你就此放弃 I don't want you to ever stop trying.
等你再大一点 But maybe... until you get a little older,
我们父子可以一起学点新东西 maybe we try new things together, okay?
好 Okay.
你和其他孩子不一样 你是我儿子 You're not like any other kid. You're my kid.
我最爱你了 I love you more than anything in this world.
我也爱你 爸爸 I love you too, Dad.
抱歉 不方便吗 Sorry, is this a bad time?
-迪亚兹先生 -叫我埃迪吧 - Mr. Diaz. - Eddie. Please.
我想为那天的失态道歉 I wanted to apologize for the other day.
我失控了 不该吵你吼 I was out of line and you didn't deserve that.
关心则乱是人之常情 You had every right to be upset.
我本该照顾好你儿子 可让他受伤了 It's my job to look after your son and I failed to do that.
克里斯托弗没有大碍 我很欣慰 I'm just relieved Christopher is okay.
我总想保护他 Yeah, I fight so hard to try and protect him,
可我忘了 磕磕碰碰是难免的事 I forget falling down is a part of life.
-摔倒后 才会学着爬起 -对 - It's supposed to teach us how to get back up, right? - Yes.
常言道 摔下后要重新爬到马背上 There's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse,
但你可能只是不喜欢马 but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses.
我没懂 I'm sorry?
有时 我们碰壁后就会放弃 Sometimes, our limitations tell us when to stop.
也有时候 此路不通 定有他路 But sometimes, they can show us where to look next.
他今天从滑板上摔下来 Today, he falls off the skateboard.
也许明天就能写出一部伟大的小说 But tomorrow, he writes the great American novel.
虽然他语文成绩不错 但也没这么夸张吧 I know you said he was doing good in class, but--
明天确实有点早 Okay, maybe not tomorrow, but...
-终有一日吧 -对 - Someday. - Yeah.
终有一日 Someday.
欢迎回归 Welcome back!
欢迎回归 乔什
早知有这等众星捧月的待遇 If I'd known I'd get this much attention,
我情愿早点挨打 I would've gotten mugged sooner.
-欢迎回来 -谢谢 - Good to see you. - Thanks.
谢谢 Yeah. Thanks.
你没告诉他们实情 谢谢你 You didn't tell them. Thanks.
你不让我说 我至今百思不得其解 You asked me not. I'm still not sure why.
错不在你 This was not your fault.
我本该小心一点 I should've known better.
现在告诉警察真相 为时未晚 It's not too late to go back to the police.
我本想调出他的个人资料 You know, I tried to pull up his profile,
把他的照片打印下来 但已经找不到了 get a copy of his photo, but it's gone.
他删号了 这就是场精心设计的骗局 Completely scrubbed. It was a total scam.
对 也许他是惯犯了 Yeah, that probably means he's done it before.
如果你描述一下他的长相 If you could get them a description of him,
警方也许能找到他 maybe they could find him.
-毕竟他打了你 -伤痛可以愈合 - I mean, he hurt you. - Bruises are healing.
但耻辱会常压心头 The humiliation, that's a little harder to get over.
更别提被新闻报道 让路人看了 And to have it written down in some report for strangers to see?
我受不了 麦迪 I can't, Maddie.
那你打算装作若无其事吗 So what, you're just gonna act like it didn't happen?
不 我会处理好 No, I'm not. I'll deal with it.
按我自己的方式来 In my own way.
911紧急中心 你有什么紧急情况 9-1-1. What's your emergency?
请说一下你的地址 And can I get your location?
-机智 -是啊 - Nice. - Yeah.
吃点甜食 高兴一下吧 Thought you could use some carbs.
爸爸 我不想来这儿 Dad, I don't wanna be here.
原创翻译 双语字幕
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信我吧 很好玩 Trust me, it'll be fun.
克里斯 惊喜吧 Chris! Surprise!
翻译 转身好运来★ 兔牙Bobby猫
那是什么 What's that?
我之前告诉你 如果你想学新东西 Remember when I told you that if you wanted to try something new,
翻译 转角遇到爱 ☆ Elena777
我们可以一起 we should try it together?
嗯 Yeah.
校对 滑翔小仙女-Elena777 追风小侠女-兔牙Bobby猫
我们试试滑滑板吧 Let's try skateboarding.
-好 -走啦 - Okay. - Okay!
时间轴 兔牙Bobby猫·竟被颜值逆天Sarawat圈到~
准备好滑行了吗 Ready to ride?
准备好了 Ready!
出发咯 Away we go.
后期 渔·夫 ☆ 压制名又双叒叕被改了
总监 兔牙Bobby猫♥Sarawat~